The Best Advice
posted by Neil Gaiman
I was asked recently, on a stage in Sydney, what the best advice I'd ever received from another author was, and I told the Harlan Ellison shaving story I've told here. It is invaluable knowledge.
This morning I thought, I wonder what the best non-shaving advice I've actually got from another author was...? And then I knew.
It was in 1988, at the World Fantasy Convention in London, in the bar. I was a bunch of people around a table, and had been interviewing Clive Barker about comics for a book on Clive that would be coming out. After the interview a conversational free-for-all developed -- I remember getting frustrated with Clive's view that comics were lacking something that prose had, because a novel could make him cry while a comic never had. (This was 26 years ago, remember. I have no idea at all if Clive still thinks that way, or if a comic has made him cry in the years between. I hope it has.)
And after the conversation was over, Clive took me aside. He said, "When we were talking, you were getting louder and louder."
I had been. It was a noisy bar. And I'd had important things to say and huge opinions and dammit, I was determined to be heard.
He said, "Neil, don't do that. If you get loud, everyone else gets louder to top you. And then everyone's shouting and nobody's listening. If you want everyone to listen to you, get quieter. People will listen."
It seemed like the strangest advice I'd ever received. But I loved and respected Clive, so the next time I was in a bar argument/conversation, I lowered my voice. And the more I wanted to be heard the quieter I forced myself to get. I lowered my voice...
And people lowered theirs. They leaned in. They listened. I didn't have to raise my voice.
I felt like I'd been given one of the keys to the universe.
And so I pass it on to you.
Clive's been having some health issues recently, and I hope they are soon over and he's back to full strength. He was an inspiration in every way when I was in my early twenties, and I've learned so much from him over the years. Here's a photo of us from 1989 on the Nightbreed set stolen from his Facebook page.
...
Monday at midday Eastern Time, the first part of the mad make good art project I'm doing with the assistance of Blackberry will begin. It'll be happening (to begin with) on Twitter. I'm @Neilhimself there (some people might not know this). I'll keep you updated with links and such on here, too.
...
Right. I'm at home. The home in the midwest. Lots of cool things waiting for me here, including a bunch of books, one of which is the new edition of American Gods -- for the first time, the US edition of the Author's Preferred Text is out in paperback. (It's also the first of the New Uniform US Paperback covers to come out and will be released in a few days.) It's in the bottom second from the right...
(Also shown, two foreign editions of Sandman, three books that include short stories by me, a book I love with an afterword by me, and my copy of a great guide to where you start reading an author -- I got it because I backed the Kickstarter, not because there is a chapter on where to start reading me written by the outrageously talented Erin Morgenstern.)
It's cold here. But I'm wearing long underwear and will dress warmly and am about to take Lola for a walk down to the lamppost in the woods. Will post a photo if I get a good one.
Yes, the house feels empty and strange. But Lola is a sweet and loving dog. And I am writing things.
(The little flashlight around her neck is not really so that she can see better in the dark. It's so I can see her in the night.)
Labels: Clive Barker, Blackberry, american gods tenth anniversary edition, Lola, Keep moving, advice
I was asked recently, on a stage in Sydney, what the best advice I'd ever received from another author was, and I told the Harlan Ellison shaving story I've told here. It is invaluable knowledge.
This morning I thought, I wonder what the best non-shaving advice I've actually got from another author was...? And then I knew.
It was in 1988, at the World Fantasy Convention in London, in the bar. I was a bunch of people around a table, and had been interviewing Clive Barker about comics for a book on Clive that would be coming out. After the interview a conversational free-for-all developed -- I remember getting frustrated with Clive's view that comics were lacking something that prose had, because a novel could make him cry while a comic never had. (This was 26 years ago, remember. I have no idea at all if Clive still thinks that way, or if a comic has made him cry in the years between. I hope it has.)
And after the conversation was over, Clive took me aside. He said, "When we were talking, you were getting louder and louder."
I had been. It was a noisy bar. And I'd had important things to say and huge opinions and dammit, I was determined to be heard.
He said, "Neil, don't do that. If you get loud, everyone else gets louder to top you. And then everyone's shouting and nobody's listening. If you want everyone to listen to you, get quieter. People will listen."
It seemed like the strangest advice I'd ever received. But I loved and respected Clive, so the next time I was in a bar argument/conversation, I lowered my voice. And the more I wanted to be heard the quieter I forced myself to get. I lowered my voice...
And people lowered theirs. They leaned in. They listened. I didn't have to raise my voice.
I felt like I'd been given one of the keys to the universe.
And so I pass it on to you.
Clive's been having some health issues recently, and I hope they are soon over and he's back to full strength. He was an inspiration in every way when I was in my early twenties, and I've learned so much from him over the years. Here's a photo of us from 1989 on the Nightbreed set stolen from his Facebook page.
...
Monday at midday Eastern Time, the first part of the mad make good art project I'm doing with the assistance of Blackberry will begin. It'll be happening (to begin with) on Twitter. I'm @Neilhimself there (some people might not know this). I'll keep you updated with links and such on here, too.
...
Right. I'm at home. The home in the midwest. Lots of cool things waiting for me here, including a bunch of books, one of which is the new edition of American Gods -- for the first time, the US edition of the Author's Preferred Text is out in paperback. (It's also the first of the New Uniform US Paperback covers to come out and will be released in a few days.) It's in the bottom second from the right...
(Also shown, two foreign editions of Sandman, three books that include short stories by me, a book I love with an afterword by me, and my copy of a great guide to where you start reading an author -- I got it because I backed the Kickstarter, not because there is a chapter on where to start reading me written by the outrageously talented Erin Morgenstern.)
It's cold here. But I'm wearing long underwear and will dress warmly and am about to take Lola for a walk down to the lamppost in the woods. Will post a photo if I get a good one.
Yes, the house feels empty and strange. But Lola is a sweet and loving dog. And I am writing things.
(The little flashlight around her neck is not really so that she can see better in the dark. It's so I can see her in the night.)
Labels: Clive Barker, Blackberry, american gods tenth anniversary edition, Lola, Keep moving, advice
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Karen
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Feb 03, 2013 11:23AM
Clive hit the nail on the head. It was a trick I learned as a second grade teacher and it made such a difference. The children wanted to know what was being said and would quiet themselves down. I now use this same trick in my library. Not just because I'm a librarian and must use a library voice. I use it because it draws people in both physically and mentally.
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I know that this is completely unrelated to anything you said but... that lamp post behind Lola in the second photo reminds me of "The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe". Are you in Narnia?
Okay, so Neil Gaiman lives in Narnia. That is the coolest thing I have ever seen/read. :) Thank you for sharing, Damjan (and Mr. Gaiman)
I know, you'd think it would be impossible for Neil to seem any cooler than he already does, until you see something like that :)
Next thing you know, he'll stop flying in planes and ride a Pegasus. Or get a komodo dragon as his next pet. He's just that cool. :D
Great idea form Clive really!But what really got me from this post is Lola. She is a smacking picture of my first dog, Bosley. He arrived on my tenth birthday completely by change. It was never "official" that Bosley was MY dog, but nobody would have dared deny it. And he was definitely one of the best things in my life for many years.
Noel Fielding actually said pretty much the same thing on Nevermind the Buzzcocks years ago. Only Neil and Clive said it much more eloquently. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pz4fea...
Agreed! Another teacher here too :)This is a very good technique, especially in meetings, when you want people to hear you and you have important things to say. It's also a way to check one's emotions. When one gets quieter, you really are reigning in your emotions so that it does not get the better of you and you will find people paying more attention to what you have to say when you speak calmly in a composed manner :)
And now I feel as if I have just been given the keys to the universe. I was living that "getting louder" moment last night and the whole evening ended up exploding with everyone's anger. I will never forget this advice and put it into use immediately.
I worked at a mental hospital for a while, and talking softly was the only thing that de-escalated most of our schizophrenic clients.
Clive is right; it works perfectly. I wish more people would use it.
