The Blogs That Weren’t
I was clearing out my ‘possible blogs’ folder today and I stumbled on a few ideas that I had started, but never really finished, because generally, there wasn’t enough material based on what inspired me. I still can’t think of anything else to do with them, so I’ve decided to post them here. I wouldn’t really call them mini-blogs. They’re more like ideas of mine that never really got off the ground.
Enjoy my half-assed attempt at a post.
Amazon sells a $330 dildo machine. Not making this up! Best part, this thing has 7 customer reviews and its number 1 in the weird sex machine genre!
I like how its interracial!
I have 14 tubes of lipstick in my purse. Fourteen! How the hell could I possibly ever need fourteen lipsticks? Once, I signed a check in lipstick because I had no pen. It was lip stain, so it actually worked. It also smelled like oranges, so that was nice. One lipstick that I liked was taken off the market because it contained lead. I continue to buy it from back alley places on the internet because I like the color. I also enjoy the hallucinations.
I once saw a caterpillar the size of a baseball. My friend Jen stepped on it and it made an audible pop when she did. It was green, but it had a bunch of colored things sticking off of it. I know it sounds crazy, but this happened well before I dabbled in acid, so I know it’s true. I looked it up years later and learned that it was an uber rare caterpillar. My friend Jen may have destroyed a species.
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My mother openly admits that I was a hideous baby and compared me to an albino monkey. For some reason, I was covered in a layer of white hair when I was born, much like a Wooki.
I think marijuana may whiten teeth. I recently transitioned to pot smoking over drinking because I am very political. Anyway, I’ve had no toothpaste change, and I haven’t been to the dentist recently. But my teeth are like neon white! Maybe it’s the stoned perception of my teeth? I really don’t think so though, because one of my friends mentioned having a white strip intervention. So, in my medical opinion, marijuana whitens teeth.
And, to leave you off for the night, one completely unedited post that I wrote when I was shitfaced.
About two hours ago, I saw a fruit fly land in my cranberry vokka . I drakn hijm. I bet its super easy to get a fruit fly drunk. At least, im pretty ser this one was drunk. I hope so, I woukld want to be drunkis someone dranke em.
