But Now I WILL Sing the Complaining Song, Thank You Very Much

Is it Pooh that sings the Complaining Song?

I've got one this morning and it goes something like this:

Are you f*cking kidding me?
My car has no heat; it's minus three!
Who puts a f*cking fuse box there?
My a$$ is freezing in the air!
Goddamn it all, it's f*cking cold!
This was funny at twenty, now I'm old!

Also, I suspect there's a chorus that just repeats, "F*ck! F*ck! F*cking Cold!"

Similarly, I may have to compose another song about the fact that while I did manage to change one of the fuses in the fuse box despite the a$$-biting chill (I believe we are at -20 F windchills for real), the one I changed fixed the blowers. Now our blowers are blowing again, EXCEPT THEY'RE BLASTINSG ICE COLD AIR. So, at some point later today, once I've gathered my strength and I can feel my toes again, I plan to go to the car parts store -- because *of course* I don't have the type of fuse I need to fix the heater.

Join in!

"F*ck! F*ck! F*cking Cold!"

Plus, yesterday kind of sucked too. I got up to discover a cat had peed on the kitchen rug, went to go change the litter and had a bag burst all over my feet, dribbled orange juice down my front while doing the dishes, and... my coffee is gross.

For some reason I bought coffee at Whole Foods. Never do this. I have found that if you have a crappy, cheap coffee maker the best coffee is actually crappy, cheap coffee, like Starbuck's brand. Yeah, haters, I know you can't stand Starbucks for a ton of valid reasons, but their pre-ground coffee actually tastes really GOOD in my crap-a$$ coffemaker, so suck it. Instead, for the last two days I've been drinking really expensive swill that tastes HORRIBLE in my cheap coffee maker. I've actually had to resort to putting milk and sugar in my coffee. Yes, people, that's a serious crime against coffee in my book.

I can't say that not having decent coffee has improved my mood.

In fact, despite the fact that I'm making light, I feel utterly demoralized and defeated by my stupid car. I'm extremely grateful that my friend Rachel is coming over later for lunch because she will cheer me. I need a bit of cheer.

But for now? I'll be singing the complaining song.