an imaginary interview

Regular readers may know already that I’m in the process of launching this new book, and thus doing a lot of interviews of various kinds.  In the process of doing interviews I have been asked a lot of questions, most of them good, some of them downright insightful.

And then there are these, all culled from actual interviews… and supplied with answers.

Q: So, you’re fat, but you say you actually do exercise?

Yes.  Yes, I do.  With my imaginary gym girlfriends Sarah Robles and Cheryl Haworth.

Q: So you work out, but you’re still fat?

Q. E. D.

Q: What kind of exercise do you personally do?

Whatever I feel like doing.  I am one of those people who actually likes “boring” exercise. I like walking and the elliptical trainer and swimming laps and stuff.  I don’t like running although sometimes I do it anyway.  I like my Fitball.  My body actually seems to prefer repetitive motion at a moderate intensity but for fairly long periods of time.  So that’s what I do.

Q: So you’ve written this book about exercise, would you call yourself an athlete?

I don’t see why that’s a question here. Jane Goodall is not a chimpanzee.

I am a person who moves her body regularly for pleasure and health reasons, and has done so for a lot of years.  I’ve learned a fair bit over the years about what the issues are in doing that when a person is both fat and female.  That’s why I wrote the book.

There’s nothing the matter with being an athlete.  There are plenty of fat athletes out there.  But I’m not an athlete in any way most folks would recognize, and that’s okay too.  Most people aren’t, and will never be.  And they shouldn’t let that fact come between them and moving their bodies regularly and happily, if you ask me.

Q: What about diet?  Shouldn’t people who are starting an exercise program be doing something about their diet?

I realize that this approach is somewhat radical, but I endorse eating food several times a day, and drinking a reasonable amount of water in addition to whatever caffeine-bearing substances one may require.  Scientific evidence supports this very strongly.  People should also eat enough so that they’re not still hungry when they’re done with their meal, and so they won’t be hungry again for a few hours, because y’know they probably have other things to do.

Part of my extremely radical dietary approach is that people should never eat food they actively despise, and preferably they should eat food they enjoy.  Also, I believe strongly that fruits and vegetables and whole grains are a fine addition to anyone’s menu, and remind the reader that popcorn is too a whole grain.

Q: If you could magically become thin, would you want to?

If there’s that kind of magic to be had, honestly I’d rather be able to breathe underwater, and to have a prehensile tail. I’ve always thought those would be really cool, and also very useful.