The Literary Swamp

By John Urban

Alligator alley. Eighty-plus miles of highway between Naples and Broward County. I am heading east with the sun setting behind me. In the distance, the sign on the horizon reads, Your Wife Is Hot. I take a hand off the wheel and wipe my eyes. I blink and stare out again.

Five more minutes and the sign is getting larger, the message more pronounced. Now, a half mile from this billboard, I see the entire message: Your Wife Is Hot – Better Get Your A/C Fixed. Only in Florida.

A great deal has been said on this blog about the merits of settling down in Florida if you aspire to be a mystery writer. Granted, the sub-tropic climate keeps writers in the Sunshine State. But it’s more than the weather that influences them. The place is a mecca for story ideas and character development.

Arrive in any one of Florida’s airports, pick up a rental car, and hit the road. Within moments, it starts:

Mile marker 1: 24 Hour Café : We Bare All

Mile marker 2: Vaser not Liposuction

Mile marker 3: Killed or Injured – Over $150M recovered

You keep driving. Up and down the highway: 1-800 Divorce … Lose Weight Through Colon Cleansing … No Needle, No Scalpel Vasectomy….

Then you turn off the highway, onto the side roads where you’re greeted by restaurant signs. No hyperbole here. Get ready. Fu King Chinese. Caribbean takeout at Jerk King. Or perhaps you would like to stop at Thai Tanic, or maybe Pita Pan.

As a writer, how can you not be affected by this cultural backdrop?

If Dave Barry, Carl Hiaasen or Tim Dorsey were up here in Massachusetts, they might be modern-day Hawthornes writing about 21st Century Hester Prynnes. Fortunately, they’re wandering in the land between the Atlantic and the Gulf, turning out words like these:

The key to life is hobbies, otherwise you’re asking for trouble. You know what they always say—if Hitler only had a train set… (Tim Dorsey)

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin. (Dave Barry)

Hey. Sometimes life is a shit flavored Popsicle. (Carl Hiaasen)

Yes, there are many reasons for writers to head to Florida. Even in addition to the surgical, legal, and culinary bonus points.

Want more? You’re in luck because Dave Barry’s just released Insane City is set in that big literary swamp of a state we call Florida. I’m uploading my copy today.

Share on Facebook