Writing Prompt: The Strange Life of Objects

What has this chandelier witnessed? Is it so juicy you would just die to read it?

Create a voice for an inanimate object. What would you choose? Would you choose something intimate, like, perhaps a box of condoms?
While driving the other day, I heard writer, Simon Rich discussing his new book, THE LAST GIRLFRIEND ON EARTH: AND OTHER LOVE STORIES. I was laughing out loud at his excerpts and was delighted to find a sampleon NPR’s website. (Go on. Click the link back there. Read the excerpt and get back to me…)

Rich, for those not in the know, is the second youngest writer for Saturday Night Live. His newest book explores the awkwardness of relationships through a series of short stories. The book is divided into three sections: Boy Meets Girl, Boy Gets Girl, and Boy Loses Girl. Although I have not read the entire book yet, I am delighted at the unique approach Rich takes in tackling his subject matter.
So, based on the genius of Simon Rich…what object would you choose, dear writer? And what would you write? An inspirational poem from the point of view of a tissue? Perhaps, a love story based on one of the objects in the bottom of the produce drawer in your refrigerator? What about a sci-fi short from the perspective of your favorite accessory?
These shoes have seen things...strange things.
Let me know how it turns out, dear writer…
Your Favorite Mermaid