Put Fear In Its Place
It is one of our most basic and useful emotions — and one might say that joy and calm feel all the sweeter after time passed in fear.
Yet for so many of us, fear turns into a dominating force. In its presence we feel panicked or frozen. Many of the questions I receive in my Ask Lynn advice column revolve around banishing fear. The intensity of the emotion can be so overwhelming that it seems to drown out intuition or obscure God’s presence in our lives.
Often I find that the solution is not to “cure” the fear, but to listen to its lessons. Just as intuition signals the right path with pleasant emotions and sensations, fear is its flashing “danger” light. The question is, which kind of fear are you fighting?
When Fear Means Danger
"Unlike any other living creature, humans will sense danger, yet still walk right into it. Women think, 'I've got to be nice. I don't want him to think I'm not nice.' ...There's not another animal in nature that would even consider it." – Gavin de Becker
I mentioned above that fear has its uses, and that certainly applies in the most basic evolutionary sense. Using external cues to sense when danger is near is the ultimate survival instinct. Fans of Oprah will be familiar with her advocacy to honor that gut feeling when a tense situation crosses the line or when someone close does not have the best intentions. The feeling can register as a stomachache, goose bumps, a rush of adrenaline, or just a general sense of being spooked.
Even if the sensation of enclosing peril seems ridiculous or irrational, trust it and get out of there. Whether it’s a date with a new guy, a location that has a bad vibe, or any other seemingly innocuous situation, if you feel that primal fight-or-flight response, trust it. Never squash it down for the sake of politeness and risk your own safety. For more on this type of fear, I recommend this Oprah.com article.
When Fear Means Self-Doubt
“Trust your own instincts. Your mistakes might as well be your own instead of someone else’s.” – Billy Wilder
When fear manifests as sleeplessness, crippling indecision or discomfort in your own skin, you might be battling with self-doubt. Sit quietly with your intuition and trace the source of your fear. If you find negative self-talk, limiting statements, and visions of your humiliations and failures, the root of your fear is your internal critic. There is some work to be done on your confidence to achieve a solution.
Self-image is a complex aspect of our psychology, and a negative one can permeate all facets of life. When someone’s internal dialogue is harsh and unforgiving, that constant cynicism leaks into work, relationships, hobbies, you name it. A fear like this is like a bonfire, throwing sparks and starting countless little fires all over the place. There might be a temptation to treat this type of fear on a case-by-case basis, dealing with the smaller disasters, but they’re just byproducts of the bigger issue.
Facing self-hatred and taking the long journey to self-love is the only solution - and it’s also one of the most meaningful decisions you could ever make. You’ll learn to respect yourself, trust your instincts, and put fear in its place. You’ll value yourself for your strengths and accept that you will make mistakes from time to time. I’ve written a great deal on this topic - explore my blog posts and articles on personal growth here.
When Fear Means Loss of Control
“Always remember, it’s simply not an adventure worth telling if there aren’t any dragons.” – Sarah Ban Breathnach
Nightmares and moments of panic could be your cue that you are struggling with a fear of the unknown. You have probably entered a situation in your life that has stripped you of your sense of control. Other symptoms may be bad luck or silence when you consult your intuition. If you describe your feelings, they may range from feeling numb or adrift to feeling paralyzed or terrified. This type of fear is unnerving, but it’s also the one that is essential to make peace with.
Life is fraught with uncertainty. Those around you can cause chaos — colleagues, friends, family, romantic partners, even strangers. Natural disasters and other crises will occur when you least expect it. There are ups and downs in every life. The key is to turn this type of fear into a friend. Think of it as a warning that you’re nearing the edge of your comfort zone. It’s a reminder that our time is precious, and we should never miss an opportunity to express gratitude and love.
To get some control back, use this exercise when you feel the fear coming on: force yourself to be in the present by focusing on your five senses. Name the sights, sounds, smells, and so on. Concentrating on your immediate surroundings should put the brakes on racing thoughts and put your feet back on solid ground.
A Healthier Relationship with Fear
Fear can be many things: a useful tool, a wake-up call, a growing pain. Yet there is always happiness waiting just beyond it. Navigating fear thoughtfully, armed with intuition, allows for extensive personal development. When you start to feel like a deer in the headlights, choose a course of action. Your internal compass will point the way forward, whether it sends you in the opposite direction to safety, or straight into the heart of fear, bound for adventure and self-discovery. Soon enough, fear may even start to feel like an ally.
Lynn A. Robinson, M.Ed., is a leading expert on the topic of intuition.
Through her work as an intuitive consultant she's helped thousands of people discover their life passion and achieve their goals. Voted “Best Psychic” by Boston Magazine, she’s also a bestselling author whose latest book is Divine Intuition: Your Inner Guide to Purpose, Peace and Prosperity . She’s also the author of LISTEN: Trusting Your Inner Voice in Times of Crisis and Trust Your Gut . She writes a free, highly popular Intuition Newsletter. Her website is http://LynnRobinson.com
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