Writerisms Ten

Ten Things Writers Say, and What They Really Mean

A book is a labor of love.

Nineteen hours in drug-free hard labor with my daughter was easier, actually.

Being a professional writer is an interesting and rewarding career.

Be anything but a professional writer. Don't make me beg you.

I'm always thinking about my story, even when I'm shopping at the market.

I'm always thinking about . . . hey, are those chocolate-frosted donuts on sale?

I'm so glad you enjoyed the book.

I'm so glad your e-mail was a nice one because I just ran out of Valium.

Maybe Publishing is tough, but I love the competition.

Maybe Wal-Mart is hiring.

My editor is thoughtful with responses and is making me a better writer.

My editor hasn't answered my e-mail and is making me crazy.

So you want to write a book? That's great.

Please don't ask me to help you write your book.

Sure, I can wait another six weeks for payment to be approved.

Sure, I can pawn my wedding rings again. Do you have any recipes for making something edible out of ketchup and beans?

Writing a synopsis isn't so bad. You just have to think about it.

Writing a synopsis makes me break out in hives but I'm too poor to hire someone to do it for me.

You will absolutely love holding your first book in your hands.

You will scream like an air raid siren, shake like you're standing naked in a blizzard and then cry like a teething baby while clutching your first book in your hands. P.S., don't let them videotape it.