I was 17…
I was 17. I was dating a guy my junior year of high school. He was funny and everyone liked him. I was pressured by him all the time like “I don’t think we can date anymore if you won’t let me be closer to you.” And things like “How can I get to know you better if you won’t let me touch you.” I really liked him and didn’t want to lose him. I was weak when I was with him. I even convinced myself that I loved him. He was manipulative and persuasive.
It’s so sad. I never even dated anyone until I was 16! I had standards to uphold. I wish I had been stronger. He started slowly to persuade me into little things. A touch here a touch there, then after a few months he stole it. I feel cheated. The thing I treasured my whole life was gone and I could never get it back. He even tried acting like he regretted it to see if I would come out and say that I did. Of course I did! But I said it was okay to make him feel better, ugh I was such an idiot. Looking back I know he didn’t regret it. Why would he? From the start that was his goal.
While we dated he used my kindness against me to make me feel like I was in the wrong with everything. If we fought it was because I did something wrong. He had all the power. I wasn’t myself when I was with him. I lost two years of high school with my friends just having fun and being happy all for this creep who couldn’t keep it in his pants. Sure I thought I was happy at the time, but I know now that it was so unhealthy to be with him from the start. I have the hardest time forgiving myself of that time in my life. I say to myself “If I could go back and do it all over again I would’ve kicked him to the curb and had been stronger”, but who knows where I would be today. I love my life now. I have a wonderful husband who is kind, compassionate and loves me for who I really am and would never try to change me. So I guess this can all be a learning experience that had to happen. For me to be the person I am today.
Signed,
A strong independent woman.
Dear Strong, Independent Woman,
Thank you so much for sharing your story with us. The whole point of this book and website, with letters like yours, is to show people of all ages that we’re just right, exactly as we are, and that there is hope. It’s never too late. Since you found this website, I’m hoping you saw the “12-Step Program for Virgins”. If not, take a look at them and I think you’ll see they’ll make you feel better.
Above all, it’s time to forgive yourself. So you made a mistake? You made a choice that given the chance again, you wouldn’t make this time around. That’s okay. You learned from it and moved on. That’s what life is all about.
My mission is to empower young people (gay, straight, everybody!) to take control of their spirits and their bodies. Don’t give your power away! You learned that at an early age. Be proud of yourself for learning rather than continuing to give your power away over and over.
