My Brain on Reality TV?
I’m sitting at the computer trying to write my first ever blog entry, trying not to stare at Perez Hilton on The Talk and be distracted but I can’t help it. What is he talking about? Perez Hilton, now that he’s nice, is not the same guy. I’m not sure what he is now and although I’m grateful he no longer “outs” gays who don’t want to be outed, it does beg the question, “Is Perez Hilton still entertaining now that he’s nice?”
That question isn’t begging enough for me to answer today. Jury’s not out yet.
Meanwhile, I’m all caught up on my episodes of Real Housewives this week (Atlanta, Beverly Hills and Miami if you live under a rock or live in a cult with no TV’s and if you do, escape. Fast! You’re missing some great train-wreck-TV!) and am starting to jones for a new episode. And quick as you can say Andy Cohen is my long lost brother, I remember that a new episode of Miami is on tonight. Thank you, Jesus!
Do you ever worry about what is happening to your brain now that you watch too much reality TV? I do. I have these worries often. Most likely induced by my patronizing husband, Lance (who btw, is the one who discovered Housewives in the FIRST episode of OC and said to me while I walked in on him watching it – and looking as guilty as if he had a hooker on the couch – “You HAVE to watch this show. It’s as if it was MADE for you!”). He constantly says things like, “don’t you have a book to write? Quit watching that drivel.” Seriously? Man who watches entirely too many hours of sports on TV is judging me? How many hours of golf do you have to watch before you realize you’re just watching the grass grow? And don’t get me started about the wrap-up shows and commentaries. I’ll take a half hour of Andy Cohen over any of those sports shows. Why on earth must we analyze EVERYTHING over and over. Yawn. I just fell asleep thinking about it.
Sometimes, while watching Housewives, I picture that old commercial with your brain on drugs. You know the one? With the eggs frying in a skillet. I worry that my brain may be frying in a skillet from too much Bravo. All those years in the 80′s without doing as much as one line of coke could all go down the drain just by watching the Housewives? Could that be possible? What a waste of my saying no to drugs for my whole life!
I no longer worry about my reality TV watching. My brain is safe now and my drug abstinence is still in tact. I don’t have to worry because I found the antidote to all Housewives shows. It’s the guaranteed way to get your brain cells back regardless of how much Bravo you may watch. It’s called watching smart shows. Simple as that. If you’re feeling like you’re watching a little too much (signs like picking fights with your friends over nothing or trying to pull your friends hair, convinced they have a bad weave) Housewives, just watch The Good Wife or Downton Abbey. Even Breaking Bad qualifies. It’s simple, smart and it does the trick.
“But Meredith, how can this work?” you might ask and the answer is entirely too complicated for me to explain involving the firing of synapses and other such stuff. Just take my word for it. Nothing helps Housewife-itis better than a healthy dose of Julianne Margulies, the yummy Chris Noth or even Maggie Smith. It’s a sure-fire cure, I tell you. And this winter, when Downton Abbey comes back with Shirley Maclaine, I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to watch two episodes of Housewives for every one episode of Downton Abbey to be cured. It’s a two-fer! A bogo. And who doesn’t love a good bogo?
One official legal disclaimer though: my antidote has not been proven to work for Honey Boo Boo Child. As of this printing, there is no known antidote for watching her. Sorry (cocked head – crossed eyes).
