"What's normal?" "What's home?" "What's a cow?"

 I'm an author, and as such people think I'm good with words. Aren't I supposed to be? I spend all day writing them, so doesn't that mean I'm a clever, intelligent person? I sometimes wonder if this is one of the reasons I took a pen name. If that maybe I don't wish to be known as an author - which is odd as I've wished to be one since I was very young.
 I sometimes feel I muff the image of author. Not only when I talk - though especially then - but when I post. Even in  my writing I feel I don't live up to the title.  In real life I stutter over my words, stammer, and am so slow in answering questions people usually answer them themselves. I am left alone, thought to be the sweet, shy girl who never does anything wrong. (By this I mean the usual stuff girls my age are thought to do.)
 When people who know me learn I write books I get an odd glance. Kind of like, "I find this bit of information hard to believe."
 And all this follows me about when I post or comment. After all, as an author, shouldn't I be writing witty posts which make my readers laugh and cry and beg for more? Shouldn't my comments be thought provoking, helpful, and full of wisdom? Usually my posts sound like a long ramble and my comments something like my real life stammers. Because, in spite of my love for words, I never know what to say.
 Maybe this has to do with my shyness. Maybe I spent too many years silently studying people and not enough learn how to carry on a simple conversation. (This is something I still do. I spend most of my time at work trying to deduce people. What can I say, Sherlock Holmes training.)
 If I were to be honest this fact worries me sometimes. I want to be an author, but how can I keep writing when I never know what to say? What if my posts start to get boring and I loose all my readers - and my new friends? What if I run out of things to put into books. (This is the part where my characters roll their eyes at me.) And, even more so, how am I ever to make friends in real life when the moment someone talks to me I start to babble like an idiot?
 Shouldn't I be better at this? Shouldn't I have the ability to answer someone without having a panic attack and my mind going blank while I rush about madly for something to say? Shouldn't I be able to comment on posts and sound like all those other wonderful authors? Must I be a misfit not only in the real world but in the writing one as well?
 And then, I have to remind myself what all this comes down to. Fear of man. Fear of what people think of me. This is a fear I've fought my whole life and one I coward behind for a long time. I thought everyone wished me to be a tomboy, to scoff at girly things, so I did just this.  I worried about working on publishing my book because of what others would think. I've not sought out a job I love because I didn't wish to annoy people I knew. (A rather miserable way to pass through life.)
 This is just another side effect of the fear I have to face. The author who cannot carry on a conversation, who isn't great at leaving comments full of wisdom. An author who writes posts about the kids books she reads. (And swallowing down my pride and admitting I like reading kid's books more then young adult or adult.)
 And now that I've left a rather pessimistic post (is that the word for it?) I shall brighten things up a little with a few announcements.

 I have been working on the summery for The Broken Blade which I'd like to have done before I introduce the first character. However, wherein summeries are tricky for me to write, The Broken Blade is proving to be ten times more tricky then any of the others before it.
 On better summery news, Abolished Impracticality's summery is done and ready to be released. Just have to pick a date...Actually, I have a date but I'm going to keep it secret till the end of this post.
 Lastly, I've a question for all of you. Which of the following stories sounds the most interesting to you?
 A tale about a dragon. A prince who must set out to save a princess in order to become king - with somewhat disastrous results. Or... A re-telling of Robin Hood?
 I'd love to know your thoughts! And right now I'm going to leave because I found the movie of Howl's Moving Castle at the library and want to watch it. 
 But, before I go, as I said... I will be posting the summery for Abolished Impracticality on Friday!  Also, don't forget to vote on which Broken Blade character you'd like to meet!
 Quote is from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. During this part Arthur and Trisha (the two main characters) are contemplating earth's destruction while the president of the Universe is contemplating...cows.
 Allons-y!