Uninvited

Sometimes, God steps in uninvited. Sometimes it’s with a whisper, “I’m still here.” Sometimes, like today, it’s with an unexpected shout, “I AM!” I was just getting out of the shower this morning, and I put on a new album (Addison Road) I received for Christmas. The first song that came on was “What Do I Know of Holy?” Before the first verse was over, I was sitting on the floor with tears running down my face, feeling… small.

As God seemed to repeat over and over, “I AM. I AM bigger than you, bigger than this. More than you can possibly understand. All that you know of Me is such a small speck of the full truth of who I AM.”, I realized that my world had so shrunk in the past couple of months that it had started revolving around me.

It’s so easy for me to lose perspective during seasons of illness and busyness, so easy that it goes unnoticed for awhile. Even though I might be going through the motions of Bible study and prayer, my gaze slowly drifts away. And then comes that faintest whiff of heaven that drags my eyes back to where they should be focused.

The crazy thing is that this shift in perspective is not offensive; it’s a relief. His bigness reminds me of my smallness, but it is not a smallness that is insignificant. In the same moment that He says, “I AM,” He also says, “And you are. Mine. Valuable. Worthy. Irreplaceable.” When I remember the bigness of God and the smallness of myself, my fists of control finally loosen enough to dump my fears, frustrations, and unspoken dreams in the hands of the only One able to hold them all. And then, free from my burdens, I can actually look at Him again and inhale the breath of peace that I didn’t realize that I was waiting to take.