Ring Theory Death Pool....

Ring Theory (with William Dettloff and Erik Raskin) is having a friendly ‘contest’ for any anyone who picks the most boxing related “celebrities” that kick the bucket this year. I doubt I’ll win because I may have missed the point. Here are my “predictions”…

1) Floyd Mayweather Jr…

Dies by the hands of an overzealous 265 lb bouncer at The Stratosphere Hotel & Casino after Floyd, in a Vitamin Water induced rage, attempts to ‘make it rain’ in the lobby only to be first trampled by midwestern vacationers not privy to the boxer’s identity and/or the concept of money in the air for no point whatsoever at their end of the strip, then second, picked up and choked to death accidentally in the melee by previously mentioned bouncer who attempted to pull the boxer out of a pile of walkers, blue hair and Ohio State Buckeye hats.

2) Ricardo Mayorga…

Dies in the middle of a Nicaraguan street fight which starts when he steps into the middle of an argument regarding the current market price on live chickens. A scuffle ensues, machetes are pulled and Ricardo collapses dead from undiagnosed Stage 4 Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer.

3) Floyd Mayweather Sr…

Dies via Suicide by cop outside the Stratosphere Hotel & Casino 3 days after the death of his son after staging a media frenzy with comments about the situation in an unbridled attempt to gain a few seconds of attention after the death of his son renders him irrelevant at last.

4) Kevin Ferguson aka Kimbo Slice…

Dies shortly after suffering a 3rd round technical knockout in his upcoming Australian undercard fight. This is a legal entry because his death has nothing to do with injuries sustained during the fight…. 5 days after the finish of the fight, Kimbo returns to his native Nassau and is killed during a failed fight between the overhyped backyard bare knuckle fighter and an oceanic whitetip shark. The video can be found on YouTube.

5) Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson…

In the wake of the Floyd Mayweather Jr tragedy of 2013, Curtis ‘50 Cent’ Jackson takes the stage in Detroit Michigan and removes his bullet proof vest before beginning his set. Moments into “Many Men (Wish Death)” as soon as he ‘sings’ “Many men, wish death upon me. Blood in my eye dawg and I can’t see.” Seth Gold from truTV’s HARDCORE PAWN rushes the stage and shoots him 3 times in the chest over an unpaid debt regarding a broken X-Box 360.

6) Adrien “Floyd Mayweather Jr-Jr” Broner… 

Stories immediately flood the news: “Greatest Boxer That Ever Lived Dies In Drive-By - Cincinnati Ohio”. The reports are quickly retracted after the headline (submitted by Adrien Broner’s comb-carrying father) is proven false when police reports fail to corroborate the statements. Two days later the complete story is revealed pointing out the “drive-by” actually occurred in an upper class Cincinnati neighborhood when Adrien Broner was hit by an electric mail truck while crossing the street passing out flyers for his obscure and confusing “BandCamp” venture into hip-hop.

7) Dan Rafael…

Dies of congestive heart failure because obesity is an epidemic in America. Ask James Toney.

8) Victor Ortiz…

Not much is known about the death of Victor Ortiz. Shortly after Josesito Lopez refuses a rematch with Ortiz, Andre Berto steps in as a last minute opponent. Failed drug testing moves the match to Guadalajara where such things are less important. After Ortiz refuses to leave his stool at the end of the 4th round, he quietly slips through the ropes and is never seen again. Tim Austin “The Cincinnati Kid” posts on his facebook three weeks later, “Saw Victor Ortiz at the donkey show last night in Tijuana. He looked good. At least he’s getting along with the donkey… broken jaw? more likely a broken pussy.”

9) Gary Shaw…

Chokes to death on a hotdog. No further explanation needed.

10) Teddy Atlas…

Dies of head trauma during a Friday Night Fight taping when he is accidentally knocked out of his chair by a boisterous David Haye passing by the table continually repeating, “I’m not David Haymaker Haye because David Haymaker Haye would never be caught watching Friday Night Fights because David Haymaker Haye is the Haymaker and David Haymaker Haye is the greatest boxer of all time. Now move so David Haymaker Haye can find David Haymaker Haye’s seat.”

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11) Don King…

This is my 11th entry because it’s a special prediction. In 2013 it’s made known that Don King died 11 years ago and the thing we’ve seen in press conferences and in the ring since is actually the Honda Robot, Asimo, clad with the iconic faded and bedazzled denim jacket, flags waving, frightened chia hair and black-face makeup painstakingly applied before each appearance by the same team responsible for Wayne Brady