"Is it tasty?"

 So, my photographer is holding my new author picture for ransom. Since I'm a starving author and cannot pay his photographer price, I must wait until I have a chance to break into his house Mission Impossible style and commander it. (Hopefully I can get it by tomorrow.) Until then, I shall leave you with this - because we could all use a good spoiler in our lives.
 IN MY LIFE...oh wait...this isn't a musical.
 How The Hobbit Will End
 Bilbo walks into the fortress under the mountain and meets Smaug.
 Smaug: Who are you?
 Bilbo: My name is Bilbo Baggins. I am an adventurer, a spider slayer, a - hold on...do I know you?
 Smaug: Not unless I ate your family for breakfast one day. Baggins? Don't recall eating any Baggins, but I wouldn't mind giving it a try.
 Bilbo: You sound like Gollum. But I'm sure I know you, you sound familiar.
 Smaug: Nope, most be this cold I have.
 Bilbo: You sound like a detective I think I used to know.
 Smaug: What's a detective? Are they good to eat?
 Bilbo: Stop thinking with just your stomach. And a detective is *Ponders* Wait! I think I remember now! I used to live in a place called London, with this really grumpy, self-centered fellow named Sherlock who went and jumped off a building *eyes Smaug, glares.* SHERLOCK!
 Smaug: Watson, please. Do you really wish me to believe a detective could become a dragon?
 Bilbo, still glaring: You just called me Watson
 Smaug: Did not. I don't even know what a Watson is. I called you Baggins.
 Bilbo: You called me Watson. And how did you end up here, as a dragon?
 Smaug: I've always been a dragon, BAGGINS!
 Bilbo: You used to be a self-centered detective
 Smaug: Not likely. Had I been this brilliant, handsome detective you speak off, I wouldn't have stopped being him to become a fire breathing dragon.

 Bilbo begins to say something more but shouting from outside cuts him off. He runs to the door to look out and sees a battle going on outside. Quickly he draws Sting.

 Smaug: Careful with that, my dear fellow! You almost took my eye out!

 Bilbo: I killed a lot of spiders with this, Sherlock, I know what I am doing.

 Smaug adjusts scarf: Who is Sherlock?

 Bilbo doesn't answer but runs out to help his friends and a battle is fought. There is a lot of shouting and screaming and crying and so on and so forth. Inside the cave, Smaug roast himself some marshmallows until everything goes quiet. Slowly he leaves the cave and finds all the dwarves and Bilbo standing around three bodies, crying.

 Smaug: I see you all have won the battle but lost your king - I mean, I didn't do it.

 Balin: You can't die, Thorin!

 Thorin: I have to, it is in the book.

 Kili and Fili: Us too. Don't forget about us! We're dying!

 Thorin nods to Bilbo: You've proven me wrong many times, Mr. Baggins. You're a pretty great Hobbit and not that bad as a burglar. I'd give you some gifts but I'm dying so ask Golin too. I've this funny feeling that his descendants and yours are going to go on an adventure together.

 Golin: How do you know that?

 Thorin: I got board while we were traveling and read the book

 Golin: Oh

 Kili and Fili die

 Bilbo: Wasn't that kind of sudden?

 Thorin: Don't worry, now that all the girls know just how dashing they were they shall be voicing your thoughts exactly

 Bilbo: Don't die too, I don't have that many friends left

 Smaug coughs

 Thorin: Sorry. Can't help it. I suppose I should pass the kingship on to someone else before I-
 Thorin dies

 Golin: Does this mean we don't have a king?

 Balin: Doesn't matter to me. I don't even think I belong at this mountain

 Smaug: My dear Watson, do you have this effect on all your friends?

 Bilbo: They died bravely at least. You jumped off a building because Moriarty outsmarted you

 Smaug: That was a low blow. Do you want to go back to Baker Street? I think I can smell Mrs. Hudson's cakes from here

 Bilbo looks down at his sword, huge, hairy feet, and the dragon Sherlock.
 Would she let us in?

 Smaug: If not I will just blast the door open. I'm a dragon, after all

 Bilbo: How will that go over in London?

 Smaug: Brilliantly. And anyone who doesn't like it can feel the wrath of my fire breath - which gets really bad when I don't brush

 Bilbo: And I thought it was hard living with you before.

 Smaug and Bilbo return to London and frighten everyone in the city. Then, whenever Sherlock gets board there he returns to Middle Earth to frighten the people there. In other words, look out for the board, scarf wearing dragon.

 The End

 Guess where the title quote is from.

 Allons-y!