One Thing That Is Definitely Not Like Childbirth

My book officially comes out two weeks from today, which means that (a) you can actually get it now, if you are so inclined, and (b) I have spent the last year and a half hearing countless people tell me that writing a book is like childbirth. I personally don't think writing a book is anything at all like childbirth. Here is what childbirth was like, at least with my last two children:

STAGE 1

Doctor: "Kristin, because of [fill in the blank reason:], I'd like to induce you."

Me: "Doctor, I...