Struggling to find answers when there are none

Bad things happen to good people. Horrible things happen. Children get shot. Husbands kill their wives. We try to make sense of it. We can’t.

We express our outrage. It makes us feel a tiny bit of power when we feel powerless. I understand. I do.

For me, it’s just deep utter profound sadness. I don’t post my pinings on Facebook. Joining in the chorus does not make me feel better. I post a song about love instead.

We all deal in our own ways. We don’t know what to do and there is nothing we can do, so we rant.

Calling someone a monster does not help the situation. People do things we cannot fathom. They are deeply troubled, and need more love and help than we can ever comprehend.

A person who walks into a school and shoots little kids or a man who beats his wife is not a monster. He is a human who has lost touch with his very soul. Somewhere along the way, he made choices that have disconnected him with his true core.

There may be some people on this earth who are inherently evil. I’ve yet to experience it. I think people who do these unspeakable acts really have lost their way and they know no way back. They live from a place of deep hollow fear. They no longer are in touch with their soul or their humanity and maybe that makes them “monsters.” Maybe that makes more human than ever.

It does not ease my pain to take up a torch and join the rally to go burn the monster. What does ease my pain? Not much. These words from Kiva Leatherman of Wise Women Network written the day after the school shooting tragedy resonate:

“I can’t help but notice that there is palpable love in the air today. At ballet this morning I noticed more hugs and kisses. Any energy of frustration, the “get your ballet shoes on, you’re going to be late!” was noticeably absent. A friend shared that last night her little guy emptied half of his bath onto the bathroom floor. Her normal reaction might have been less than calm, but last night…

Last night she got some towels, cleaned up the mess and loved that baby up. 

The state of grace is collective. Innocence has returned at the same moment that it was stolen. 

And I began to think… we’ve got to find a way to bottle this. Let this tragedy be the moment that reminds us just how precious our little angels are, not just today, or in a week – but forever more. 

I worry that in a month or so, after the holidays are done, and we are back to the rush, rush, hurry, hurry of our lives we might forget this feeling. We may begin again to snap at our children for taking too long to put on their shoes, or not using their fork to eat their green beans, or pouring the water out of the bathtub.”

Kiva is a wise woman indeed.

Every moment is a gift. There are no guarantees. Let us love, let us delight, let us show compassion to everyone, everywhere, all the time. If we lived like that, where every person was treated with attention, love and grace from the moment of birth onward, I believe there would be no “monsters.”

Maybe I’m wrong. I still choose to believe that love trumps fear. Talking about the murder and the murderer only keeps us in that dark place. Shift attention to the love and the heroes. Shift your focus to what you really can do to make a change in this world: Every single person you meet, look them in the eye and see them as a real person. Start now.

(Kelly Epperson Simmons is an author/speaker/coach who helps people birth their books and she does it with joy. Toll free 888-637-3563 and www.kellyepperson.com)