A Repost Worth Visiting as Your Children Return Back to School After Winter Break – Some are Nervous and Regret the Return – Why?

Bullying is a pandemic in our nation’s schools. Realizing this, we must do all  that we can to help our children deal with the pressures that these annoying  behaviors poses on their lives. Parents, we have a huge responsibility, but are  we doing all that we can to intervene?

Let me ask these questions

As a parent, are you aware of the anti-bullying laws and policies in place at  your child’s school? If so, how is it being enforced? If not, have you voiced  your concerns and/or asked to work closely with school officials in hope to  create anti-bullying procedures at your child’s school? Do you know if school  officials at your child’s school are clear about what actually constitutes  bullying behaviors?

In some cases, there are concerns about what constitutes bullying behaviors  verses normal play, or friendly horsing around. I know that you have these  concerns too, so I’ll define what bullying is and what it looks like.

Bullying Defined

Verbal (name calling, teasing, insulting, or  threatening)

Physical (hitting, kicking, scratching, pushing, stealing,  hiding/destroying someone else’s property)

Social (refusing to talk to or play with someone,  purposefully excluding someone)

Cyber (using electronics such as computer to write mean,  demeaning messages about someone)

Religious Bullying (taunting and teasing to a point of harassing others who do not claim or agree with your religion, using your religion to ostracize those who are non-believers OR non-believers harassing those who believe in certain religions).

There are signs of bullying that you can watch for

Poor eating habits or asking to eat as soon as he/she gets home – bully takes  lunch or lunch money

Depression

Torn clothes or mysterious bruises/scratches

Isolating self from others – appearing lonely

A change in grades – poor grades

A sudden dislike for school

Exhibiting unfounded anxiety

Low self-esteem

Complaint of sick feelings – stomach aches, headaches

Asking not to go to school

Signs of threats or suicide

If you have reason to believe that your child is being bullied

Stop, Look & Listen NOW

Talk to your child. Ask him/her about their school day. Ask if there is  anything that you should know. Whatever you are doing or plan to do, stop! Your  child must trust that you will drop whatever you are doing to see him/her  through this crisis. Your child needs to know that you are listening to them;  you hear their frustration and the pain that they are experiencing. You may want  to repeat what you heard them say to you, thereby acknowledging that you are  really listening. Let your child know that you will be there for them “at all  costs.”

Documentation

Get the story as clearly as possible from your child and document everything  from your child’s version of the bullying incidents to every conversation you  have with school officials. Be sure to write things down as soon as an  occurrence arises or a conversation happens. This way, incidents are still fresh  in your child’s mind. You may want to keep documentation separated by tabs in a  tablet or a notebook to maintain a distinct record of each person’s story. It  will be important to keep your child’s version separate from a school official’s  so that messages don’t end up overlapping, getting accidentally mixed-up or  combined.

Have other students been affected by the bully or bullies who are attacking  your child? If so, what are their names? Were there any witnesses to the  incidents? If so, what are their names? Does your child remember which class the  other students are enrolled in? Can your child point them out? Encourage school  officials to interview other children who may have been bullied.

Use dates, times and settings in your documentation. Did the incident happen  in the cafeteria, classroom, or playground? Detailed documentation will not only  help school officials target bullying incidents, but it will also give school  officials an indication of how best to resolve issues as they examine  antecedents (causes/variables that may have prompted the bully to react  inappropriately), so that changes and individually tailored support plans can be  implemented.

Approach school staff immediately

Bullying will not just stop on its own. Don’t be afraid to approach school  administrators.

You might find that some school officials and administrators may be  territorial and believe that they are the educational experts, and you are “just  a parent.” Since you are your child’s greatest advocate, here are a few ideas  about how to approach the issue of your child being bullied while working  collaboratively with school officials:

Do your research. You can assist school leaders with ideas of how to bully  shield and bully proof the school that your child attends.

Approach the school leaders as if you are on their side. Do what you can to  avoid creating an adversarial relationship between you and the people who have  the power to help stop what is happening

Let the school leaders know that you are not only concerned about your child,  but all children enrolled at the school. This will soften your approach thereby  giving you greater lead-in for support and next steps.

Begin speaking to the school counselor before working your way up the  organizational chart – Test the water, first.

When my own child was bullied at school, I spoke to the school principal  directly. Due to budget cuts, this particular school had no assigned counselor.  I approached the situation as a concern for the other child as well as my very  own child. I said, “Perhaps this young girl is having personal problems in her  home- life that’s making her feel angry.” Other times I would say, “Sounds like  this child wants to take charge and is a bit bossy. Perhaps she can be shown how  to use her leadership skills in a more positive and productive manner.” By using  this approach with the school principal, I believe that I softened the  conversation, thereby gaining the principal’s attention. It appeared that she  was more willing to hear me.

But, there are times when the school will not help, so now what can you  do?

Before I address this problem, I want to urge parents to always gather as  much information about your school the first week or two of the new school year.  This is the time when the climate is still warm and friendly, and stress levels  aren’t heightened due to the pressures of trying to keep up with everyday school  life. Know the district level office organizational chart and levels of  administration assigned to your child’s campus. Attempt to retrieve their  contact information such as names, email addresses, voice mail, and telephone  numbers, and perhaps location of their office – this is last resort and never  show up without an appointment.

When your child’s school will not listen to you or help you through a  bullying crisis, and you know that you have done your part, you have spoken to  the classroom teacher, school counselor, assistant principal and principal if  circumstances have taken you this far, you should contact central office staff  and speak to your child’s school assigned area superintendent.

Share your concerns and let this individual know that you have tried to work  collaboratively with school officials at the campus level of your child’s  school. Trust me – Now that bullying has gained national attention, there is no  doubt that this person will be all ears.

There are approximately 48 states that have laws mandating anti-bullying programs and  services in schools, but some schools have been slow in implementing the  programs.

Be sure that you know the anti-bullying laws of your state (Bully Police, USA  has a state by state listing of anti-bullying legislation). Be ready and able to  recite the Senate Bill and House Bill laws associated with the bully’s offense.  For example, if you live in Texas and your child is experiencing sexual  harassment issues at school, and no one will address the issue, share your  knowledge of SB  471 and HB 194. If you do this, everyone will know that you mean  business!

When to call a lawyer

If you have gone through all the recommended steps above, more than likely  you will not have to call a lawyer; however there may be times when your story  will land on “deaf ears.” If no one will listen to you, or if everyone has  listened to you and they have chosen not to intervene, there is no more time to  waste. You will want to get legal advice immediately. Time is of the essence and  the safety of your child is paramount!

Focus on your child

Remember, there are effective steps that you can take as your child’s  anti-bullying advocate. Consider the fact that bullying related suicides are  real.

STOP whatever you’re doing and act quickly on your child’s behalf. Our  children count on us to help them during crisis. This is not the time to put  ANYTHING else before your child. Show your child that they can trust and count  on you.

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