Keeping your resolve

Sometimes you can't see the wood for the trees.

Okay, so it's January 2nd and you're still pondering what to put on your list. It has to be inspiring, it has to be encouraging and it would it great if it was actually within your power to do it as well. (Trust me, writing down 'get more will-power' as a resolution doesn't really cut it.)  
So, in honour of The Little Book of Cynics, here's a list of resolutions you might want to avoid - and why.
1. I will spend less time on the web. Let’s see now, you’re reading this on the web and you’ll probably write your resolutions on your blog or tweet them. I’d call that a massive fail at the first hurdle.2. I will get fit. Do you mean the Wii Fit? Or do you mean actually fit, as in going outside the house to visit a gym, running track or field? You could try working your way towards the front door one step at a time. Or why not take advantage of Wifi and venture outdoors. It may take you a while to find the next hotspot. With any luck, that’s a few yards.3. I will eat more healthily. Yeah, of course you will; right after you’ve finished off all the food you over-ordered for Christmas and New Year. Not counting the fruit and veg that went off and died of neglect.4. I will keep up my resolutions. An interesting one, this. Once you’ve produced thespreadsheet, added symbols for the various activities and broken down the tasks into subtasks and milestone dates, you’ll likely have forgotten why you’re doing all this in the first place. Even worse, you’ll claim that all this secondary and distracting activity counts towards the resolutions themselves.5. I will drink less. Now obviously we’re talking happy juice here (or sad juice, depending on how you’re fixed). If cutting back on alcohol is as simple as writing it down on a list that you’ll probably make while inebriated, you’d have done that LAST year. And if you’re already using the resolution list as a coaster because you don’t want to get lager on the tablecloth, consider that a humungous fail. 6. I will be kinder to my fellow man and woman. Maybe you’ll really try for a couple of days, in between stuffing your face with fats and calories or drinking yourself into the next dimension (it’s a blurred one). Maybe you’ll smile at passers-by as you jog to the next Wi-Fi spot, your palm top wizardry bleeping merrily as you get reconnected. But, statistically speaking, you’re more likely to get irate with the stress of trying to be good and lose it in the shopping mall. Which brings us neatly on to….7. I will spend less money on things I don’t need. Like resolutions, maybe? Or unachievable goals? Or unrealistic attempts at seasonal behavioral modification?Happy New Year anyway - and don't be a stranger!