9 New Year’s Resolutions… for My Human

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 147,869 times — we kitties are perfect, so we do not need to make New Year’s resolutions! Well, maybe except for Binga — as you can see above, she had too much nip last night and woke up this morning on the floor with a lampshade on her head. But never mind her; this post is about being helpful by making New Year’s resolutions for our humans. I know some of your humans are gathering a list, but as is typical with them, they always leave off very important things.

Here are a few resolutions I know my human desperately needs, but would never think of on her own:

Make a schedule and stick to it — do you know how vexing it is when dinner is late?

Be more diligent about litter box duties. You are very lucky we are patient kitties.

Figure out how to sleep more restfully. Napping on top of you is like trying to get some shut-eye on a ship during a gale.

Clean up hairballs a little more cheerfully. It’s not the end of the world, and the way you act, you would think we did something wrong.

Learn how to laugh in a more ladylike fashion. The fact that your guffaws instantly clear the room of felines should give you a clue that this needs to change.

Play with me at least a couple of times a day. Stop making me jump on the desk and whap you to get your attention!

Ditto with brushing.

Ditto with treats. Seriously, you have no idea how tiresome all that whapping gets.

Quit buying stupid Halloween costumes for us cats. It’s an addiction, and it is not very pretty.

Do you have any good New Year’s resolutions for your humans? If you do, please share!
* * *
Having problems with your human or the other cats in your house? As the internet’s “Dear Abby With Claws,” I have answers to many annoying problems in my two award-winning books! Visit my author’s page on Amazon to buy one or both of my awesome Dear Sparkle books!