My goal for this year was to become a better person, as I have not been such a good person in previous years. To that end I educated myself on feminism and the types of issues women face when portrayed in the media and cultural stigma and stuff like that.

The ‘white-knighting’ thing…I have to say, sometimes, we could all use a little Galahad in our lives. Sometimes, it’s nice to have an outsider express unhappiness at inequality that doesn’t directly affect them. Sometimes, it’s downright pleasant to get support, not from people just like you, but from people in the group where the inequality is coming from. To me, it’s hopeful. Some of the most supportive comments I have ever gotten in the face of really angry misogyny has come from guy readers and colleagues.

I think the problem (and I know some people disagree with me) comes when someone not in the group being directly affected makes the discussion all about them. It’s one thing to stand up for others, and for something you believe, it’s another to dominate the conversation and make it all about you, your feelings, your knowledge.  Don’t make your support feel like a grab for attention, is my advice.

I know every group has a different struggle, I’m really only talking about my own experience here. I have friends in the industry who PROFESS to be female-friendly and then I have friends in the industry whose actions and words actually SHOW them to be female-friendly. There is a difference.

Tumblr has been really helpful in teaching me to listen. If you start with the knowledge that you don’t know everything, and empathy is not the same as experience, I think you are definitely on a better path than the person who is out there for back-pats and attention.

I hope that makes sense. Again, this is just my experience.