Remembering 30 years ago....

                                         My SweetHeart when we first went out...

Don't know how much of the beginning of our story you all
know, but we first went out together on Sept. 15th, 1982.  Told her the next day that I wanted to marry
her and adopt her two daughters from her first marriage. We were both spiritual
seekers (new age/eastern mysticism) but had no sense of morality so I moved in.
Planned a marriage for the following Spring (awkwardly, the first date I gave
her was the date of her first marriage....which I changed quickly.)  Everyone thought we were crazy and knowing
the two of us as individuals it would be over soon and we'd be tornadoes in other lives soon.... But God was planning a shotgun wedding.  On Christmas Eve of that year, Barbara told
me she was pregnant.  I felt immediately
convicted....much to my shame, because of promiscuity in the past I knew I was responsible
for at least two abortions....perhaps more. I was a man with bloody hands and
knew that this woman was far more than I deserved and I could not/ would not
desert her and her daughters. We were married at sunset nine days later by a
justice of the peace at Jenner-by the-Sea, where the Russian River flows into
the Pacific.

Been reliving and reflecting on those nine days thirty years
ago.....how we were told by family and friends that we were doing the wrong
thing. I reminded her of that old Everly Bros. tune, "Stick with me
Baby," (which I have embedded below with a great version by Alison Krause
and Robert Plant.) It was during this time that we picked out the verse,
"For He is our peace" that became so prophetic in our lives.  Though we did not have a proper relationship with God, He had one with us.....and we both knew in our hearts that we were doing what we were supposed to do.  That became God's pattern in our life together. So many times we did what God called us to do while conventional wisdom said we were being foolish.

These days are hard for me, but I know Barbara would be sharing with you what she was dealing with, so please bear with me.  While I was working today I stopped by her graveside....covered in snow. I miss her so and no eagles on this day... But the pain of loss goes on. Like that old Joni Mitchell song, "You don't know what you've lost til it's gone."  Through this lens of mourning I am seeing and remembering so many things that I dearly loved and appreciated about her life that went unacknowledged by myself.  Standing on that hill today over the river I really felt like a man cast adrift...a ship without an anchor.  That I had let her down. But then I realized the truth.....Her race had been run.....and she had run it well... I am still on the field and my race is not yet finished...and so my Dear Barbara, I thank you for the years you graced me with and all you did to make me a better man...
Loving you always,
Tripp