I wish I could change events with words, but since I can't I'll write this entry
What's strange about writing is that, while in the process of writing stories, I often find myself putting characters through very traumatic events. When I'm reading a book or watching a show, I actually crave that for my favorite characters as well.
This seems to be something that's been in me since childhood. I distinctly remember that Jem and the Holograms was my favorite show and my favorite character was Kimber. The episode I remember the most because, bizarrely, it was one of my favorites, included a scene in which I'm fairly certain Kimber was tied up and thrown off a bridge into a river to die. That, or they were going to do this and she was saved at the last second. Did I actually want her to die? Of course not, but even my little-kid-brain apparently already craved conflict and hurt/comfort and watching my favorite characters go through hell to see how they handle it and how they come out the other side.
But here's the crucial part about all of this: IT'S NOT REAL.
As real as it can feel, as emotionally invested I can get in stories I write or read or follow, there isn't actually a person out there being put through this. Sometimes writing or reading stories where characters go through something that has occurred to people in reality can be helpful to show what it would really be like for a person in that position, to help others understand the circumstances, to provide more context and compassion for survivors of traumatic events and their loved ones, or in some cases even for the survivor themselves to process what happened to them by having it placed in a relatively "safe" medium of a made-up world.
But, while I can't stop what has already happened to people, I would certainly wish I could do everything I could to stop something terrible from happening in the future.
I was thinking about this today because I've been reading updates about the horrific mass shooting in Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut. I have been sitting at my computer, reading articles that show pictures and bios of the victims, videos of loved ones struggling to come to terms with their loss, survivors and witnesses describing their actions at the time of the shooting and how they were so certain they were going to die-- and I've been crying. Every time I think I'm done I see something else and it's tears blurring my vision again until I can get it back under control. Because it's so incredibly sad and horrible and heartbreaking and Jesus fuck, there just aren't words for this. I can't even imagine what those loved ones or survivors are going through.
What was a bit surreal to me was realizing that this is the first incident I've personally read about of a tragedy occurring at an elementary school-- and in one of the stories I've been writing on and off for years, one of the characters' back stories is similar. She was a little kid in what was more or less an elementary school on the day of a horrific attack. She was the only survivor who made it past the following days, and as a result she later became a pariah to some and a focus of perverse fascination by others. In essence, on that day, not only did she lose her brother and her friends, she also lost her anonymity.
There are reasons behind this being her back story, but I guess the point is that I naturally reacted strongly to the Sandy Hook shooting, and I still do, and it wasn't until days later (really, just a bit ago) that I also made the connection back to this character.
It's so, so sad. This is absolutely one of those times when I wish something I have as a part of a character's past or present never, ever actually happened in reality.
If I were writing the real life world, none of these things would happen. I would write us all a happy ending, and peacefulness, and a chance to grow in any direction we wanted. But I can only change events on paper, and in reality all I can do is grieve for the untimely deaths of people I never knew and likely never would have, but whose loss hits me as strongly as if I had.
When people ask what superhero power I would want if I could have one, I used to think I'd like to be fluent in every language in the world (present, past, and, if possible, future) along with the ability to turn off my understanding of the language so I could appreciate the cadence of it-- but, no, I think instead I would like to be able to change reality with words, by writing like I would any other story.
But I can't do that, so instead I want to take a moment to express my deepest condolences for the loved ones of the victims and for the survivors who will have to find a way to live with what they have experienced. I want to do that not only for this incident, but every incident that preceded it-- no matter the context, no matter the crime. If anything has ever happened to someone reading this, I want to tell you that I'm sorry you ever had to go through anything like that, and with everything I have, I'm wishing you the absolute best.
Brightest blessings to you and yours, and blessed be.
This seems to be something that's been in me since childhood. I distinctly remember that Jem and the Holograms was my favorite show and my favorite character was Kimber. The episode I remember the most because, bizarrely, it was one of my favorites, included a scene in which I'm fairly certain Kimber was tied up and thrown off a bridge into a river to die. That, or they were going to do this and she was saved at the last second. Did I actually want her to die? Of course not, but even my little-kid-brain apparently already craved conflict and hurt/comfort and watching my favorite characters go through hell to see how they handle it and how they come out the other side.
But here's the crucial part about all of this: IT'S NOT REAL.
As real as it can feel, as emotionally invested I can get in stories I write or read or follow, there isn't actually a person out there being put through this. Sometimes writing or reading stories where characters go through something that has occurred to people in reality can be helpful to show what it would really be like for a person in that position, to help others understand the circumstances, to provide more context and compassion for survivors of traumatic events and their loved ones, or in some cases even for the survivor themselves to process what happened to them by having it placed in a relatively "safe" medium of a made-up world.
But, while I can't stop what has already happened to people, I would certainly wish I could do everything I could to stop something terrible from happening in the future.
I was thinking about this today because I've been reading updates about the horrific mass shooting in Sandy Hook Elementary School in Connecticut. I have been sitting at my computer, reading articles that show pictures and bios of the victims, videos of loved ones struggling to come to terms with their loss, survivors and witnesses describing their actions at the time of the shooting and how they were so certain they were going to die-- and I've been crying. Every time I think I'm done I see something else and it's tears blurring my vision again until I can get it back under control. Because it's so incredibly sad and horrible and heartbreaking and Jesus fuck, there just aren't words for this. I can't even imagine what those loved ones or survivors are going through.
What was a bit surreal to me was realizing that this is the first incident I've personally read about of a tragedy occurring at an elementary school-- and in one of the stories I've been writing on and off for years, one of the characters' back stories is similar. She was a little kid in what was more or less an elementary school on the day of a horrific attack. She was the only survivor who made it past the following days, and as a result she later became a pariah to some and a focus of perverse fascination by others. In essence, on that day, not only did she lose her brother and her friends, she also lost her anonymity.
There are reasons behind this being her back story, but I guess the point is that I naturally reacted strongly to the Sandy Hook shooting, and I still do, and it wasn't until days later (really, just a bit ago) that I also made the connection back to this character.
It's so, so sad. This is absolutely one of those times when I wish something I have as a part of a character's past or present never, ever actually happened in reality.
If I were writing the real life world, none of these things would happen. I would write us all a happy ending, and peacefulness, and a chance to grow in any direction we wanted. But I can only change events on paper, and in reality all I can do is grieve for the untimely deaths of people I never knew and likely never would have, but whose loss hits me as strongly as if I had.
When people ask what superhero power I would want if I could have one, I used to think I'd like to be fluent in every language in the world (present, past, and, if possible, future) along with the ability to turn off my understanding of the language so I could appreciate the cadence of it-- but, no, I think instead I would like to be able to change reality with words, by writing like I would any other story.
But I can't do that, so instead I want to take a moment to express my deepest condolences for the loved ones of the victims and for the survivors who will have to find a way to live with what they have experienced. I want to do that not only for this incident, but every incident that preceded it-- no matter the context, no matter the crime. If anything has ever happened to someone reading this, I want to tell you that I'm sorry you ever had to go through anything like that, and with everything I have, I'm wishing you the absolute best.
Brightest blessings to you and yours, and blessed be.
No comments have been added yet.
