There's no such thing as bad publicity...

...but no publicity at all when you are trying to arrange a book signing is definitely bad. This oft cited phrase of uncertain origin has almost achieved proverbial status but the truth of it is that I can not get the exposure I need. Maybe I should streak through the streets of Bedford; it worked for Lady Godiva. But I don’t have a horse and, on a cold winter’s day, my streaking is unlikely to impress anyone.

It was all going well: Waterstones gave me a slot on the Friday before Christmas, local pubs were posting flyers and the local newspaper was going to interview me. Then they realised that I don’t live in Bedford so they turned away. I can imagine myself sat on my own in the bookstore trying to convince Old Mrs Miggins that Mr Miggins would much rather receive a book entitled ‘The Trouble With Girls’ than another Jamie Oliver cookbook; how many ways can you cook a chicken?

I once saw an author doing a signing in Waterstones. She was sat all alone in the corner and I bought her book out of pity. Now I have a signed copy of a book on glamour in the 20th Century. Perhaps that will work for me; I’ll get people to pity me.

Maybe I should streak through the streets of Bedford.