MUST I BE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO MY SPOUSE TO BE?

Marriage is enjoyable when you do it right.





A happy couple


Recently, I heard the story of a young woman in her 30s, who was contemplating marriage with a man that she was not physically attracted to, nor loved,  but whom she wanted to marry in the hope that she would grow to love  and admire him later.  She disclosed that the guy's spoken English could detonate a bomb, but that she would forge ahead, because her pastor had convinced her that it was the right thing to do, and that he was God's will for her. On the strength of the counsel she got, she subdued her own doubts, and went ahead to marry him, but was miserable. Whenever  she and her husband went out together in public, she did her best to keep her distance and would pretend that they were not a couple. Everything he did, irritated her, and in no time, their home had become a breeding ground for quarrels/fights and she turned to the children for companionship. Some people are of the opinion that you must not necessarily be attracted to your husband/wife to be, before you decide to marry him,  while others believe that this is one of the requirements that must be present before they give the nod to a potential life partner. 
Marriage is an important step in life and one must go into it carefully. Your choice of spouse could make or mar you for life. If you rush into marriage, you will rush out at the slightest hint of challenges, but if you take your time and do it right, you will have staying power when the challenges begin to hit, because they will-every marriage will face challenges at one point or the other. It is important to involve God in your decision, by seeking His counsel through the Bible, and allowing His word to be the standard from which your decision to marry is based. One should not disregard completely, nor belittle the counsel of godly/responsible friends, parents, and pastors-they have their place; a pastor is important, and is invaluable in giving counsel, but with all due respect, no pastor, or anyone for that matter, should
play God in your life nor override what you have heard from God, with their own counsel. The pastor, and others are only supposed to confirm what God
has told you in the place of prayer, and not make
your decisions for you.  You must weigh any counsel you receive against what the Bible says, and discard any counsel that contradicts what the Bible says. Remember the Berean Christians of the Bible?
They always went back to the scriptures to search/confirm what they
heard in church. Acts 17:11, puts it this way in the New Living Translation (©2007):

"And
the people of Berea were more open-minded than those in Thessalonica,
and they listened eagerly to Paul's message. They searched the
Scriptures day after day to see if Paul and Silas were teaching the
truth."

That being said, marriage has its physical as well as
spiritual sides. Note that marriage ends here on earth, and there's no
marriage in Heaven, hence, it's important to find that much needed
balance. As a child of God, Jesus Christ is supposed to be the foundation of your marriage, but note also, that the marriage will be lived out here on earth. Check through scriptures, the great fathers of our
faith like, Abraham and Isaac, all found their wives attractive. While what
constitutes physical attraction for one, may differ for another, let's not spiritualise what should not be, nor go against our better instincts/inner prompting to settle for people we are not attracted to, or really love, just because we want to marry. If you are not physically
attracted to your spouse, there will be a big problem because you will not be proud of him/her and neither will you respect them. Lack of respect and admiration for one's partner can become the root cause of so many other problems in the relationship. There are so many married people who do everything they can not to appear with their spouses in public because they are ashamed of them; this could hurt the other partner deeply. Check what
happened when Jacob ended up with Leah, instead of Rachael, for a wife.
He was willing to work another 7 years to get the woman he truly loved
and was attracted to. You can read the detailed account in Genesis chapters 29-35. However, I am not advocating that you leave your husband/wife  on the excuse of not being physically attracted to them. If you made the decision to marry them and you are in it already, then you must be prepared to stick it out, and make it work. What I am saying is that, before you venture into the marriage, you must be sure that you truly love the person you are getting married to in every sense of the word. I believe that physical attraction is also an important part and parcel of love, amongst many other components. I agree that you will not see 100% of the
qualities you desire in a life partner, and not every flaw is a deal
breaker, but you need to ask yourself if you will be patient/trusting
enough to wait it out until God does a work of transformation and also
be prepared to deal with a situation where He doesn't. Some people may be married to people who are not physically appealing, but whose character profiles are impeccable, and are enjoying their marriages and having the time of their lives, while others could be married to people, who are flawlessly handsome/beautiful, but are ugly on the inside, and are living in perpetual misery.  On the whole, you
can never go wrong praying. Pray, pray and pray again! I say this because, sometimes, people may come into our lives, and the key to their transformation from ugly ducklings to swans, lie in our hands, and I am not just saying this literally. When we pray with open minds, we will see clearly what decision to make about the choice of a husband/wife.

What's your take?  Is it possible to love someone, and not be physically attracted to them as well? Do you agree that physical attraction,  is an important component of love?  Is it a prerequisite for marriage, or can we dare to venture in the hope that it would develop later?