The wishlist of a writer

Dear Santa,

I’ve been a pretty good girl all year. Well, maybe not all year. Okay, I lied to my publisher a few times when I said I was almost done with my manuscript and I was only one-third done, but it’s not like no other author has ever done that, and really, that’s fudging, not lying, so I think we should just overlook that and give me ‘good girl’ status.

Anyway, this is my wish list:

I want to be a guest on the Stephen Colbert show. If he interviews me about my books, I’ll get all kinds of media exposure and I won’t have to spend so much of my time slogging through marketing tasks. If I was on the Colbert show, my books would fly off the shelves, and I could spend my time writing, not marketing. Maybe I’d also get a new coffee mug out of it with the name of the show on it. I could use a new mug.
I want to wake up on Christmas morning with total expertise in all things social networking to make my marketing efforts incredibly successful. Again, this would give me more time for writing, because tasks that now take me all day would only take an hour!
Forget the expertise in #2. I want the shoemaker’s elves to show up and do all my social network marketing for me. This is a WISH list, after all!
On second thought, forget the elves. They probably know nothing about social network marketing and would just make shoes instead. I already have enough shoes, though I wouldn’t mind having a pair of leather boots that zip up tight against my calf. If the elves can make the boots, they can come do that, but then I want them out of here. I don’t want them messing with my online marketing and making it worse than it already is. Actually, now that I think about it, having a bunch of little elves running around my house in the middle of the night with hammers and nails and leather is sort of creepy. So forget the boots, too. I’ll just buy them at a store and skip the hassle.
This is the big one: a writer’s retreat. To Maui. For a year. But I don’t want to do any writing at it. I just want to think and daydream and sleep on a hammock – we’ll call it a creative sabbatical. Oh, and I want a big fat literary grant to fund my vacation – I mean, my sabbatical. Composing great literature requires time and dedication, but I’m willing to make the sacrifice if it’s Maui and free. Worst case? I’ll get a smoking’ suntan.

Be careful driving the sleigh this year, Santa.  The city put in some roundabouts in our neighborhood and most people still don’t know how to drive them correctly. I’d hate for the reindeers to get T-boned on Christmas Eve. Sincerely yours -

Jan

P.S. As part of our holiday WordServe WaterCooler blog parade today, I’m giving away a “Cozy Moment” gift pack: a Christmas mug, notepad and pen, a signed copy of my newest mystery A Murder of Crows, and two Murder of Crows tea towels! The winner will be selected by a random drawing from all the visitors who send me an email via my contact page by Dec. 23. Put “Cozy Moment” in the subject line and you’ve got a shot at the gift pack. Winner will be announced on Christmas Day, and the package will go in the mail the next day!