Builder Goblins

So you've just learned that there are goblins in your neighborhood. What do you do?

Scream.

That's a perfectly normal reaction, and you shouldn't be ashamed. So go ahead and get it out of your system. But now you have to do something about the problem, and the first step is to identify what guild the goblins are with. This will help you to prepare for the coming wave of chaos and confusion, such as pie traps on your front step, or secret tunnels dug into your living room.

Builder Goblins.

Alongside warriors and diggers, builder goblins are one of the largest guilds. Recognizing them can be hard, as their tools can double as weapons or excavating tools. But once builders have set to work there is no mistaking what you have, for they can slap together small, poorly made structures in only a matter of hours. Most goblin dwellings are made by builders, and on rare ocassions maintained by them as well. Builders rarely stop working, and they will make new homes even when there is enough housing for their community. These surplus homes are often made miles away from the goblin settlement and may remain empty for months.

The average goblin home is made of stone, wood or packed dirt, and is both small and not very sturdy. There are always multiple exits to a goblin home so marauding enemies can't trap them inside. These homes violate nearly every safety code in existence and fall down quite often, keeping the builders busy replacing them. Goblins will also settle in ruins long abandoned by other races. In these cases builders will do the absolute minimum amount of work to keep the ruins from completely collapsing. Many people see these facts and assume that builders can't do good work.

This is a serious mistake.

Goblins in general and builders in particular take a very fatalistic approach to their possessions. Namely, if they have something nice then someone bigger and stronger than they are is going to show up and take it from them, and that includes their homes. This is not paranoia on their part. History is filled with times when desperate men who had lost their homes decided to occupy ruined cities and castles, with the resident goblins having hours at best to vacate before they were forced out. Armies of men, elves and dwarfs often attack goblin communities when their people grow tired of goblin antics, and sometimes for no reason other than to give the soldiers practice. There is no sense in builders investing a lot of time and effort into a home when it could be destroyed at any time, and if a ruined city or castle is patched up enough then it practically invites enemies to seize it.

But builder goblins can do good work when they have a reason to. When war looms, builders can make small forts and stone lined trenches. These structures seldom last long, but they hold up well for the time they're needed. Builders are also infamous for making sturdy stone walls in inopportune places, like on narrow mountain roads and the entrances to bridges and tunnels. These walls may not be as well made as those of other races, but goblins compensate by making them very thick. Enemies can't go around them and may need hours or days to breach them. This give the goblins a chance to flee or (less likely) to prepare for the coming conflict. In one particularly appalling case, builders made stone walls around every outhouse in Ket Kingdom, causing much distress and ruining many pairs of pants.

And builder goblins make so many unnecessary homes for a reason. Goblins will often flee their communities at the first sign of an attack, taking what little they can carry. The empty homes are then destroyed, and the 'victorious' enemy leaves believing that they have driven off the goblins. In fact the goblins have simply moved into the empty houses and are soon ready to start making mischief again. If the goblins really are run off then they head to the next nearest goblin settlement, where they can move into the empty buildings without cluttering up the dens and living rooms of the local goblins.

Another advantage builder goblins have is their skill at camouflage. Goblins are weaker than the other races, and a good way for them not to get hurt is if they aren't seen (an even better way would be if they'd stop antagonizing their neighbors, but that's not going to happen). To this end, many builders cunningly hide the homes they've made. They often dig them into hillsides and conceal the doors. Another favorite tactic is to build a goblin home underneath a human house, with the goblin home only accessible by long, narrow tunnels. They will even hollow out large dead trees for smaller goblins to live in. Many times travels think that they are alone in the woods, never realizing that they are walking through the middle of a goblin community hundreds strong.

Builder goblins have one last skill, and this makes them particularly dangerous. Builders aren't as good in a fight as warrior goblins (and that's saying something!), but they are more destructive to property. Builders have a fair knowledge of how structures are put together, and they know where to hit to bring them down. On those rare occasions when goblins are angry enough to go on the warpath, warrior goblins will shield the builders while they attack enemy cities and castles. They can do massive damage in a short time if they aren't stopped. While the goblins inevitably lose these battles, the winners often find that they need years to recover from their victories.
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Published on December 12, 2012 17:53
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