'Clarence Thomas' writes for 'The Onion'

Go. Read. Ha:

I Get To Determine Whether Gay People Can Marry

BY CLARENCE THOMAS



Last week, the Supreme Court decided to take up a pair of cases related to gay marriage, cases that will for the first

time determine the constitutionality of laws denying marriage rights to same-sex couples. As a member of the nation’s highest court for the past 21 years, I can remember few rulings of such consequence as these two, which will affect the lives of so many people. So as the time approaches, I ask all...