In Which Fantasy Is Hard on the Brains. (A.K.A. This Post is Too Long?)

So, I've decided I want to play the triangle in a production of Igor Stravinsky's Firebird . Somewhere on this big, round earth, there must be a symphony orchestra facing the tragic circumstance of having to cancel its upcoming performance of the Firebird for lack of a triangle player, mustn't there? I've looked at the score and I know I can do it! I'll go anywhere! (By the way, that video is of Stravinsky himself conducting in 1965, at the age of 82. Check out the cane. Can you guess how...