Anyone Who Spends $7 on a Cup of Coffee

This one sort of goes along with anyone who would pay to have eyelash extensions.  Y'know, people who just spend money on crazy shit.



In case you don't know what I'm talking about, let me explain.  Starbucks has come out with some stupid, super rare coffee that they're selling for $7 a cup.  They are hoping that we're all either too stupid to care about the price and we'll line up like lemmings to drink their magic elixir or so fucking elitist and competitive that we'll HAVE TO have it.




Obviously, they are hoping that you'll walk into your office with a steaming cup of over priced coffee so you can brag, "I just spent seven dollars on premium, exclusive, AH-may-ZING I assume fairy dust-filled coffee and you're still drinking swill!  That shit in your cup is probably only four dollars a cup.  Peasant."



Leslie Wolford, who is a green coffee specialist (btw, where does one get a degree to be a "green coffee specialist"?) for Starbucks has described the taste of this murky liquid as, "A little bit of pineapple.  Herbal complexity.  Super-clean. Vibrant.  Sparklingness . . . Lush, tropical, hints of white, not yellow, peach."



All I can say is, thank God Starbucks had the forethought to include hints of only white peach - have you tasted yellow peach in your coffee?  Fucking disgusting.  I had once and it ruined my whole week.  On a side note, my Asian Hubs takes great offense to the exclusion of yellow peaches.  He thinks that's racist.



Now I'd like to address the people who are lining up to buy this cup of joe.  What is wrong with you?  You know it's just coffee right?  There aren't flakes of gold in there that you can take to the bank.  It doesn't cure cancer when you drink it.  I'm guessing all it does is give you the jitters and the runs just like Starbucks' regular over priced coffee, but it just makes you break a ten instead of a five.



I think Jimmy Kimmel summed it up perfectly when he called this a "test" to see how "stupid" we are.