Hypochondriac Hubs
Today the Hubs is sick. It started yesterday when he woke up and complained of full body aches. I honestly didn't believe him. We had an early day yesterday and I really thought he was trying to get out of helping with the morning routine. He's just such a baby when he's sick it's hard to know when you can believe him.
Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote about Adolpha spending so much time in the nurse's office? Well, she comes by her hypochondria honestly. The Hubs can turn a splinter in his finger into a case of gangrene. Instead of the boy who cried wolf, he is the man who cried sick.
It's impossible to know the truth.
There is only one sure sign the Hubs is sick - actually there are two:
1. He turns off his computer. The Hubs is always on his lap top. He is always "working" on something even if that means price checking North Face sales.
2. He doesn't eat. Unless you know the Hubs personally and have eaten a meal with this man it is hard to understand just how much food he can put away. I swear he has a hollow leg. He is a skinny fat man. Imagine that Japanese guy who always wins the hot dog eating championship - the Hubs could give him a run for his money.
This morning the Hubs woke up and didn't immediately grab his lap top or go looking for some food. That's when I knew it was time to go into quarantine mode.
You see, the Hubs gets sick every winter. He always catches what ever the newest communicable disease of the day is making the rounds. Thank goodness we don't live in Asia, he would have succumbed to Bird Flu or SARS years ago.
He did catch Swine Flu a few years ago and he still blames me.
We were downtown having Vietnamese food in a seedy dive that he loves and everyone around us was coughing, sniffling and looked slightly feverish. The kids were still pretty little and the last thing I wanted was for them to catch something nasty just so the Hubs could enjoy a cheap bowl of noodle soup. I Purell'd (yeah, that's a verb in my house) the shit out of their little hands, the chairs they sat on and encouraged them to eat with their fingers so as to avoid the diseased-looking silverware.
We finally escaped the restaurant and headed to the safety of our car when I realized we were close to a big Asian market (Kansas City doesn't have too many of those, so when you're within 20 miles, you need to take advantage) and I had been promising Adolpha a nauseating Chinese dessert that they carried.
I asked the Hubs if we could stop and pick some up.
We got inside the market and it made the restaurant we'd just left look spacious, bright and clean. "Ugh, it smells in here," complained Gomer (he hates the smell of the fish and the herbs).
"Don't. Touch. Anything." I whispered to everyone.
"Tell you what," I said to the Hubs. "I'll take the kids back out the car and you grab the dessert. No cart!"
"Right. No cart," the Hubs repeated knowing the carts would be filthy.
The kids and I waited for him in the car. He jumped in and threw the groceries at me. "I hope it was worth it!" he said.
"Why? What are you talking about?" I asked.
"I just got Swine Flu!"
"Stop it. You did not," I said shaking my head and thinking, This guy is such a hypochondriac!
"Oh yes I did," he insisted.
"OK. How do you know?" I asked.
"Did you see the guy in front me? The one who was sweating and buying all that ginger and herbs to obviously try to cure his flu?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. He sneezed in my fucking mouth!"
"What??"
"Yup. I could see he was going to sneeze and I thought he'd sneeze into his arm like a normal person, but no, he turned around and sneezed right in my mouth as I yawned!!!!"
Within two days of this altercation, the Hubs was in the Emergency Room on a fluid drip and dictating his Will to me.
Luckily, he pulled through that time, but every sniffle since has been touch and go.
I could use your vote tonight over at Circle of Moms Top 25 Author Moms. I hate to lose a contest and every vote makes a difference. Click here to vote for me. It honestly only takes 2 seconds, but you can only do it once ever 24 hours. Thanks!!!
Remember a few weeks ago when I wrote about Adolpha spending so much time in the nurse's office? Well, she comes by her hypochondria honestly. The Hubs can turn a splinter in his finger into a case of gangrene. Instead of the boy who cried wolf, he is the man who cried sick.
It's impossible to know the truth.
There is only one sure sign the Hubs is sick - actually there are two:
1. He turns off his computer. The Hubs is always on his lap top. He is always "working" on something even if that means price checking North Face sales.
2. He doesn't eat. Unless you know the Hubs personally and have eaten a meal with this man it is hard to understand just how much food he can put away. I swear he has a hollow leg. He is a skinny fat man. Imagine that Japanese guy who always wins the hot dog eating championship - the Hubs could give him a run for his money.
This morning the Hubs woke up and didn't immediately grab his lap top or go looking for some food. That's when I knew it was time to go into quarantine mode.
You see, the Hubs gets sick every winter. He always catches what ever the newest communicable disease of the day is making the rounds. Thank goodness we don't live in Asia, he would have succumbed to Bird Flu or SARS years ago.
He did catch Swine Flu a few years ago and he still blames me.
We were downtown having Vietnamese food in a seedy dive that he loves and everyone around us was coughing, sniffling and looked slightly feverish. The kids were still pretty little and the last thing I wanted was for them to catch something nasty just so the Hubs could enjoy a cheap bowl of noodle soup. I Purell'd (yeah, that's a verb in my house) the shit out of their little hands, the chairs they sat on and encouraged them to eat with their fingers so as to avoid the diseased-looking silverware.
We finally escaped the restaurant and headed to the safety of our car when I realized we were close to a big Asian market (Kansas City doesn't have too many of those, so when you're within 20 miles, you need to take advantage) and I had been promising Adolpha a nauseating Chinese dessert that they carried.
I asked the Hubs if we could stop and pick some up.
We got inside the market and it made the restaurant we'd just left look spacious, bright and clean. "Ugh, it smells in here," complained Gomer (he hates the smell of the fish and the herbs).
"Don't. Touch. Anything." I whispered to everyone.
"Tell you what," I said to the Hubs. "I'll take the kids back out the car and you grab the dessert. No cart!"
"Right. No cart," the Hubs repeated knowing the carts would be filthy.
The kids and I waited for him in the car. He jumped in and threw the groceries at me. "I hope it was worth it!" he said.
"Why? What are you talking about?" I asked.
"I just got Swine Flu!"
"Stop it. You did not," I said shaking my head and thinking, This guy is such a hypochondriac!
"Oh yes I did," he insisted.
"OK. How do you know?" I asked.
"Did you see the guy in front me? The one who was sweating and buying all that ginger and herbs to obviously try to cure his flu?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. He sneezed in my fucking mouth!"
"What??"
"Yup. I could see he was going to sneeze and I thought he'd sneeze into his arm like a normal person, but no, he turned around and sneezed right in my mouth as I yawned!!!!"
Within two days of this altercation, the Hubs was in the Emergency Room on a fluid drip and dictating his Will to me.
Luckily, he pulled through that time, but every sniffle since has been touch and go.
I could use your vote tonight over at Circle of Moms Top 25 Author Moms. I hate to lose a contest and every vote makes a difference. Click here to vote for me. It honestly only takes 2 seconds, but you can only do it once ever 24 hours. Thanks!!!
No comments have been added yet.
