Maybe Not Monday: A Manifesto on Online Dating (Blogger) Fails
Earlier tonight, I was strolling through some assorted websites and Tumblrs whose subjects are mainly online dating Fails. There's a lot out there. Some of them are super popular, and a few of them are pretty hilarious. Most of them post profile captures that make you question your faith in humanity (and, personally, really strengthen my belief that there should be as many free or low-cost birth control options out there as possible).
I had bookmarked a couple of posts from these sites that were especially hilarious, and once I started to do that, I started to question if I shouldn't also reblog this one or that one. A few particular ones were posts where just reading their words filled me with fury (like a guy who bragged about wearing a sweatshirt that read, "Stop abortions, kill sluts") and others where I thought to myself, "I wouldn't even have to write a post about you. You just entirely dig your own grave."
But then I started to feel like...if I posted that stuff on here, it wouldn't ring true with some of the other stuff that I'm trying to. For example: There was a video that was going around yesterday of this girl and her mom and it was one of those ridiculous YouTube journal videos that was just awful and kind of sad in its total blatant stupidity and backwardness, and I thought about sharing it to Facebook, and then I was like, "Why? So other people can make fun of this girl and her mom?" And that's kind of how I felt about the majority of the posts from the blogs I mentioned above. There's a disquieting trend I found while scrolling through them: A lot of it kind of takes on the same feel that revenge porn type sites (I'm not going to link to them, because they're awful and disgusting and I support the free internet more than most, but to me that kind of shit crosses the line) have - a sort of uncomfortable tone of invading someone's privacy and opening them up to public mockery just because we can. There's especially something about posting a guy or girl's profile pic with the profile excerpt that makes me cringe. I know when you post stuff on the internet- and online dating sites in general - it's basically public domain (all you really need is a fake username and profile to access the online dating stuff), but c'mon. The people who are on those sites should still be entitled to a certain amount of privacy. Even sites that post screen captures of ridiculous Facebook status updates at least give the courtesy of blurring out the names first, yeah?
Online dating is tough as it is. And checking out some of these "Awful Ok Cupid" sites...kind of made me a little sick to my stomach. One poor guy got totally slaughtered by a blogger, and it's obvious from his pictures that he's never gotten laid or probably has even been on a date in his whole life, and it was kind of like, "Jesus, lady. He's trying." And I guess I don't really wanna do that here? Because I know I can be cutting. And I can definitely give someone the business if I feel like someone is asking for it. But it's interesting, finding that line: What's brutal honesty for the sake of entertainment (and maybe education) and what's just plain bullying? You know?
My intent for Maybe Not Mondays is to use it as a vehicle that showcases poor online profiles in order to better teach how to craft great ones. My intent is not to use it as a vehicle to humiliate people, which is why I will rarely if ever post a picture with a corresponding profile (I'm not going to say never. There's a couple that I will, but I think you'll get why when you see the posts). It will call out douchebaggery, it will probably spotlight stupidity, but I can also say that I generally only pick out the guys and girls who should know better - are older, have had some experience, are spammers, or, in the case of a past one, are fully aware that they're coming off as an asshole and are unapologetic for it.
I guess my point is: My intent with Maybe Not Mondays is more, "Hey guys, here's an example of a profile that falls into the trap of ___ and ___, and here's you can do better" instead of "Look at THIS fucking guy!"
But I don't always know, right? So I'm counting on you, gentle readers, to give me that gentle nudge if things get too mean-spirited. I mean, I'm not going to stop being myself...I'm not going to ask everyone to bring it in for a hug every week, but you know what I mean. Let's just do some good with the blogging and online dating stuff, yeah? Shed some light, learn some stuff! Be of service to those who may not have a fucking clue about what they're doing. And let's do it without being bullies or jerks or - worse - all cheese-dog about it.
Right? You feel it. It's coming through to you. That's love, that you're feeling right now. Love. Feels good, doesn't it? Yeah. I feel it, too.
I had bookmarked a couple of posts from these sites that were especially hilarious, and once I started to do that, I started to question if I shouldn't also reblog this one or that one. A few particular ones were posts where just reading their words filled me with fury (like a guy who bragged about wearing a sweatshirt that read, "Stop abortions, kill sluts") and others where I thought to myself, "I wouldn't even have to write a post about you. You just entirely dig your own grave."
But then I started to feel like...if I posted that stuff on here, it wouldn't ring true with some of the other stuff that I'm trying to. For example: There was a video that was going around yesterday of this girl and her mom and it was one of those ridiculous YouTube journal videos that was just awful and kind of sad in its total blatant stupidity and backwardness, and I thought about sharing it to Facebook, and then I was like, "Why? So other people can make fun of this girl and her mom?" And that's kind of how I felt about the majority of the posts from the blogs I mentioned above. There's a disquieting trend I found while scrolling through them: A lot of it kind of takes on the same feel that revenge porn type sites (I'm not going to link to them, because they're awful and disgusting and I support the free internet more than most, but to me that kind of shit crosses the line) have - a sort of uncomfortable tone of invading someone's privacy and opening them up to public mockery just because we can. There's especially something about posting a guy or girl's profile pic with the profile excerpt that makes me cringe. I know when you post stuff on the internet- and online dating sites in general - it's basically public domain (all you really need is a fake username and profile to access the online dating stuff), but c'mon. The people who are on those sites should still be entitled to a certain amount of privacy. Even sites that post screen captures of ridiculous Facebook status updates at least give the courtesy of blurring out the names first, yeah?
Online dating is tough as it is. And checking out some of these "Awful Ok Cupid" sites...kind of made me a little sick to my stomach. One poor guy got totally slaughtered by a blogger, and it's obvious from his pictures that he's never gotten laid or probably has even been on a date in his whole life, and it was kind of like, "Jesus, lady. He's trying." And I guess I don't really wanna do that here? Because I know I can be cutting. And I can definitely give someone the business if I feel like someone is asking for it. But it's interesting, finding that line: What's brutal honesty for the sake of entertainment (and maybe education) and what's just plain bullying? You know?
My intent for Maybe Not Mondays is to use it as a vehicle that showcases poor online profiles in order to better teach how to craft great ones. My intent is not to use it as a vehicle to humiliate people, which is why I will rarely if ever post a picture with a corresponding profile (I'm not going to say never. There's a couple that I will, but I think you'll get why when you see the posts). It will call out douchebaggery, it will probably spotlight stupidity, but I can also say that I generally only pick out the guys and girls who should know better - are older, have had some experience, are spammers, or, in the case of a past one, are fully aware that they're coming off as an asshole and are unapologetic for it.
I guess my point is: My intent with Maybe Not Mondays is more, "Hey guys, here's an example of a profile that falls into the trap of ___ and ___, and here's you can do better" instead of "Look at THIS fucking guy!"
But I don't always know, right? So I'm counting on you, gentle readers, to give me that gentle nudge if things get too mean-spirited. I mean, I'm not going to stop being myself...I'm not going to ask everyone to bring it in for a hug every week, but you know what I mean. Let's just do some good with the blogging and online dating stuff, yeah? Shed some light, learn some stuff! Be of service to those who may not have a fucking clue about what they're doing. And let's do it without being bullies or jerks or - worse - all cheese-dog about it.
Right? You feel it. It's coming through to you. That's love, that you're feeling right now. Love. Feels good, doesn't it? Yeah. I feel it, too.
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