We’re So Sensitive: Topics That People Don’t Like You to Discuss Online

Profanity
doesn’t really rile people up anymore. I mean, sure on Twitter we have our
moral police doing their regular rounds, scolding grown folks and whatnot for
dropping f-bombs, but most of the time, we all accept that they’re just words for
the most part. I think that’s fantastic. By the way, the more you protest over
the usage of a word, the more power you give it and its user. Just saying.



However, it’s
like we took one reason to be offended and replaced it with something else. I
truly believe that the vast majority of people frequenting social media sites
actually do so HOPING they’ll be offended. There’s nothing better than climbing
on one’s moral high horse and tearing some deadbeat a new one, is there?



While
profanity won’t raise too many eyebrows, there are topics are implicitly taboo no
matter where you park your virtual ass. If you happen to introduce these topics
into a comment stream, blog post, article, or general online forum, you’re
gonna start yourself a shit-storm. Some people do this intentionally, and they’re
usually fucktards. Other times, it’s an honest and innocent statement that just
snowballs because there are other fucktards who just can’t wait to gnaw off a
piece of some unsuspecting victim. Well, me being who I am, I’m going to
introduce a whole offensive topic salad today.


Which
topics? They tend to be issues that have little or no middle ground. You can’t
remain neutral while discussing them because the topic doesn’t offer that
option, or the folks on either side don’t offer that option. That’s why they
send panties screaming up the asses of all involved. They’re topics where you’ve
gotta choose a side. If you refuse, you’re simply blasted by both sides for
being a pussy. It’s one of those “no win” situations.






All of
these topics have been floating about forever. In polite conversation, we avoid
them like the plague, but online discussions aren’t usually polite so we just
go ahead and toss this shit out there. What are these topics you “cannot”
discuss on the Internet? Get ready:


1. Sexuality



This cannot
be discussed in a calm and rational manner apparently. For example, for some
people, homosexuality is acceptable, but for far too many others being a
homosexual is like lighting a baby on fire and then eating its charred remains.
Discussing your sexual preference in mixed company (or more often someone else’s
preference) lights a fire under almost everyone’s ass. We hear all kinds of arguments
for and against any and all sexual orientations. It’s genetic. It’s a choice. It’s
an illness. You can be cured. You can’t be cured. No matter what your personal
position in all of it, it is extremely rare for there to be any middle ground.
If you’re a live and let live kind of person who claims to have no real opinion
either way, you’re usually perceived as “accepting” and thus attacked
accordingly by those defending the helpless babies from the flames. I think
what makes sexuality an explosive topic is that the idea of same-sex
relationships and bisexuality is so much more mainstream now than it used to
be. While for most intelligent folks, that’s a really good thing, to many, many
others the increase in supporters of such things is a sign the apocalypse is
surely coming and we’re all going to Hell. If you don’t want to get burned online,
do not bring up or answer questions about sexuality. No matter what you say,
you’re going to be considered an asshole by someone. Me? I think you all gotta do
who you gotta do. It’s not my vagina you’re doing it with, so it’s not my
business. Carry on.






2. Jesus Christ/God
Whether or
not he really is the son of God isn’t the point here. I think the point is that
this guy is possibly the most discussed man in all of history. And the mere
mention of his name seems to divide folks quite decisively. Some say he was a
good man and a wise man but nothing else. Others argue he was God in the flesh.
Some suggest he never existed. Others wonder if perhaps he is the original vampire
that started all vampires. Okay, so those discussions are possibly
drug-induced. The thing I like about Jesus is that no matter what your opinion
on him and his existence, no one seems to be able to discuss said opinion in a
rational manner. All discussion devolves into name calling and nastiness once
Jesus joins the party. You add his old man into the mix, and you get a two-for.
Jesus or God = Shit-storm. Every goddamn time.






Race
No, we can’t
all just get along. Why? Because while things are better than they were years
ago, people are still fiercely defensive about their race. It’s probably because
race is such an integral part of our self-identity, and because the world is
full of idiots who can’t just view humans as humans. Trying to talk about race
or racism reasonably is nearly impossible online because with the mask of anonymity
comes asshattery. The logical, calm voices are usually drowned out no matter
what discussion you enter into. Sadly, even today, in this time when knowledge
is so easily obtained, we have those ignorant fucktards who believe one race can
be superior to another. You can’t explain to these guys that when you examine
the issue organically, race is a mythical concept. We have ethnicities, but
race is an artificial concept based almost entirely on the color of one’s skin,
which is really just the amount of melanin in a person’s skin, and on the size
and arrangement of the bones and musculature. No one is a single “pure” race of
any kind. Of course, you can argue with me on that, and I respect your views,
but knowing what we know about ancestry and such, we have to admit, the odds of
anyone being a truly pure race are pretty slim. The problem is, when we start
discussing this (as I am), discussion disintegrates into cries of
discrimination and hatred from all sides and we know how it ends. The
discussion is essentially over at this point.






Abortion
Pro-Choice.
Pro-Life. Anti-choice. Baby. Fetus. Apples. Oranges. Jesus shit guys, whatever
happened to “personal?” A civil discussion of abortion is hard enough in
person, but online, it’s positively unheard of. That protective barrier we have
between us and the other people make us bolder, more willing to sling shit at
the other side. The reasons are obvious I think. Abortion is a topic that is
naturally polarizing because it pits men against women, religion against religion,
life against death, and freedom against oppression, victims against abusers.
The most divisive part of it is that we tend to try to apply a black and white way
of thinking to a subject that has way too many gray areas to fit comfortably in
the pigeonholes we make for it. There is no right answer for you or me, unless
we have to make the decision. Even then, right or wrong is so hard to define. I
won’t get into my thoughts on the government’s involvement in this, because I
really don’t want to debate this issue. Why? Rational people go from zero to
batshit in less than a second, myself included, when we combine abortion and
politics. It’s like banging a couple of bombs together. I think if you want to
avoid shit-storms, abortion is a topic you should leave alone at all costs.
Keep it the personal choice it should be. Yeah, I know I’m just asking for it.
*takes cover*






Gun Control
I live in
redneck country, and let me tell you, mentioning gun control is like…firing off
a gun in the middle of church. There’s a lot of politics involved in gun
control, but there’s also a lot of fear and passion. All three make a
shit-storm stew of epic proportions. Even those who live in countries with very
strict gun control or no gun control weigh in on these discussions. This is
because it often boils down to one thing: civil rights. Do we have the RIGHT to
own a gun? Sure we do. Do we have the RIGHT to use it? That’s where it gets all
mucky and angry. I know you all think I enjoy a good argument, and sometimes I
do, but even I avoid this topic in my real life. Folks bring it up all the time
and I simply change the subject or bow out of the discussion because you cannot
have an intelligent and rational exchange of ideas. It might start that way,
but it spirals down into a nasty circle of meaningless jabs and insults. And if
someone owns a gun…bad things.






Politics
Ah,
politics. I truly have no opinion on this topic, and folks still want to climb
inside my ass and rip shit apart. Why? How could I possibly not have an
opinion? That’s why. Of all the topics I’ve mentioned, I think no matter where
you live, or what political party you support, politics inspire the most rage. I’ve
seen people get physically ill when their candidate loses an election. Just
look at the recent American hoopla. The Republicans and the Democrats have
literally polarized a country. Now, the US isn’t the only country to be so
politically divided. Folks start wars over this shit. The saddest part of this
polarization is the deadlock it creates in governments and getting shit done. Politicians
are crafty fuckers, and they pull out all the stops to add steam to their camp.
While these other issues are ones I can be pushed to discuss, I purposely and
very intensely try to NEVER discuss politics. No, I’m not discussing it here. I’m
just pointing out how we probably should just not discuss it at all.






Origins of Man
I wouldn’t have
believed this if I hadn’t witnessed it this past week. The discussions over
evolutionary theories and the origins of man are downright nasty sometimes.
Perfectly logical folks, sci-fi writers in fact, essentially lose their shit
and start calling each other names and behaving in a very non-intelligent
manner, for daring to entertain an idea that is anything other than the popular
one. Curious, I looked around the Internet and found no matter where you go, no
matter the educational background, social group, or culture folks come from,
this topic makes them all spitting mad. Where did we come from? Was it
evolution or creation? Big bang or cosmic fart? The books written on this topic
could fill a library or two. Each side has butt-loads of facts, support, and data
to support their position. The bottom line, and the reason it’s such a touchy
issue, is that nobody knows the real answer. It’s all theory. All of it. Mix in
religion versus science, because it does play a significant role in the side
you choose, and you’ve got shit-storm soup with a side of blind rage pie. The
worst part is, again, there’s no middle ground. If you try to work out a
position that agrees with all sides, they’ll rip you to shreds buddy. No joke. However,
I do enjoy bringing this one up simply because the topic fascinates me. I’ll
discuss it even if I get a new asshole or two. Hey, you can never have too many
of those.






Religion
More people
have died in the name of their god than any other possible reason combined.
Whether you’re Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Atheist, Jewish, Scientologist, or
whatever, bringing up religion is going to set some fires. The reason is really
very plain. No matter what you believe, whether you have a religion or not, spirituality
is the most intensely personal part of anyone’s being. This includes those who
reject religion and spirituality altogether. It’s a very subjective thing too.
You could have 100 people in a room, and all of these folks would have a set of
beliefs unique to them, and not one of them would be technically right or
wrong. This ambiguity opens the floor to a lot of shit piling. To make matters
worse, some religions have as an integral part of their “structure” a command
to proselytize. Those that don’t just seem to feel the need to “spread the
word.” Then your intensely personal beliefs start colliding with someone else’s
and there you have it: shit-storm. I’m telling you, folks come knocking on my
door preaching “The Good Word” and I get all kinds of mean, and I believe they
have a right to their beliefs. I just don’t want them trying to convince me
mine are wrong. However, they’ve got the right to free speech. But on the other
hand, I’ve got the right to sit in my home and not have strangers ring the
doorbell with their pamphlets and whatnot. But how else will they spread the “Word?”
I don’t care. And here is why this topic is so very delicate.






Parenting
Want to
piss someone off beyond all reasonable proportions? Bring up parenting, or more
specifically, discipline. Oh. My. Shit. You cannot even imagine the online
brew-ha-ha I’ve seen when someone brings up parenting. I’ve even gotten caught
up in it a time or two. The thing is, nothing is more precious to a “good” parent
than their children, and nothing will set you off faster than someone implying
you’re doing anything other than your best. Why? Because we all secretly fear
we’re fucking it all up. Someone saying that we are is like, tossing a guilt grenade
in our laps. Sure we can discuss parenting tips and whatnot, but the minute
someone tosses a don’t, never, or should not in there, or anything that sounds
the least bit critical, you got yourself a war.






These are
the topics I find have gotten me or someone I know into the most shit online,
but I imagine there are many more. Perhaps instead of discussing the merits of
an opinion or why we take a certain side in these topics, we should discuss our
inability to discuss these topics without starting a war. What do you think? Why can’t
we respect an opposing view? Why is someone being “wrong” in our point of view a reason to tear them
a new asshole? Will these ever be safe subjects to discuss online?