Down With Remotes

On my chairside table are three remotes. The cable company remote is supposed to be universal, and has 60 buttons. The one for my DVD player has 45 buttons. The one for my TV has 42 buttons. I have little idea what most of these are for. The instruction manuals only add to the confusion. I do know that I sometimes can't sort out which ones to press, and when, and get either no results or wrong results.

I don't know why we have 60-button remotes, and they offend me. I fantasize about them. I think that the lunatics who designed these devices should be rounded up and made to pay a price for their madness. My fantasy is to give each of them a 60-button remote, and then they should be told to select a certain ten buttons and press them in the proper sequence, and if they get it right they live, and if they fail, off with their heads. There would then be some justice restored to the world.