I always assumed that I’d use Jeffrey on the cover of my...

I always assumed that I’d use Jeffrey on the cover of my books.

Jeff sounds like a regular guy.  Jeffrey sounds like an author.  And I’ve always wanted to be an author.

But in daily life, I’ve never gone by Jeffrey.  I’ve always had people call me Jeff.  I know some Michaels who have no opinion about whether you call them Michael or Mike.  I can’t fathom that.  You’re either a Mike or Michael.  You’re either a Tom or a Thomas.  You’re either a Charlie or a Charles.  And I’m not a Jeffrey; I’m a Jeff.

I’m not sure why I hate the name Jeffrey, but it probably has something to do with Bill Cosby.  When I was little, I listened to Bill Cosby albums all the time.  I knew every word and every pause of every routine.  And Cosby had the routine about a Jeffrey that you see above.  Who would want to be a Jeffrey after that?

But still, I figured I’d be a Jeffrey as an author, because authors are formal and distinguished, and that requires syllables.  It’s not Ed Poe.  It’s not Nate Hawthorne.  It’s not Herm Melville.  It’s not Geoff Chaucer.  So maybe it shouldn’t be Jeff Miller, I thought. 

Except, that’s wrong, right?  For every Thomas Berger, there’s a Tom Wolfe.  For every Jonathan Swift, there’s a John Updike or a John Steinbeck.  Maybe there wasn’t a Dave Wallace, but there is a Dave Eggers.  So there could be a Jeffery Deaver and a Jeff Miller, right?  

And frankly, at the end of the day, it had to be Jeff, because otherwise people would start calling me Jeffrey, and every time I’d hear that Bill Cosby routine in my head.