Bad Analogies Scene 5

Dear Neighbour

Cat food, chopped into hideous chunks like the mangled remains of a troll fed to a teething baby dragon, in cupboard under the sink, litter in scullery.

Half a tin morning and night should be enough. If not, I'm as confused about feline protein intake as a drunk guru on a pint of methylated spirits a day likely is regarding strategies for prolonging both long life and erection.

Unless you wish me to hurl you into a pit of vipers for neglecting your duties with the laissez-faire of...