My Own Vineyards

or

Facing the Wall

my thoughts on Song of Solomon 1:6

Okay, I’ll admit it, I was reluctant to write this post, the next in the Song of Solomon series, because the struggles I face on a daily basis are far too close to what I read in this verse. But I’m going to try anyway. This will be less of an unveiling of secrets and more of a plea to walk with me through my brokenness.

Do not look upon me, because I am dark,

Because the sun has tanned me.

My mother’s sons were angry with me;

They made me the keeper of the vineyards,

But my own vineyard I have not kept.

Song of Solomon 1:6 (NKJV)

Eight times in one day last week I was confronted by people telling me I wasn’t taking care of myself. That’s not to mention all the other times people have said this to me in the last few months.

Many years ago, my friend Jason, a pastor in CT, told me a story about a man who, in the 1800s, went everywhere preaching the Gospel, but died of sickness at the age of 29. Shortly before he died, he said something like this (and I’ll probably butcher the quote):

“God gave me a horse to use that I may preach his Gospel, but I have killed that horse.”

The horse he referred to was his own body.

God gives us a gift in our bodies, and even goes so far as to say, in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”

I don’t sit on a couch all day and chow down on potato chips, but I’ve certainly been neglecting some areas of my life. And taking care of my body was one of those. So I’ve started with baby steps. I’m drinking much more water now than I used to, and I dash a bit of cayenne in the water so the little one doesn’t try to drink it all on me. Don’t worry, I give my daughter her own, cayenne-free water!

I’ve taken time to face the wall. This is one of the most important steps of taking care of “my own vineyard”.  Whay I mean by facing the wall is I express my creative worship before an audience of One. This includes playing guitar, having a journal of prayers to and conversations with God, and even drawing pictures no one else but God will see (I’m not a visual artist, so this isn’t my default, but it may be yours).

I can assure you that if you haven’t been taking care of yourself, but you begin to make an effort to do this, you will face opposition. Whether it’s your brothers or your close friends who wonder at the change, their first reactions may sound like anger. Keep going. Care for your body. Face the wall.

In these last five days, as I’ve begun this effort to care for my own vineyard, I’ve shed more private tears than I have in the past year. But all I can say is that in these last five days, as I’ve sauntered down this sometimes frightening road of obedience, the most wonderful mysteries have been revealed to my heart. We are so completely loved. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. We are more important to Jesus that we’ve dared imagine. When we care for our own vineyards, we’re able to bless others more thoroughly than ever. Because the well we have to draw from is deeper.