Friday Fun

Here’s a silly survey I put up on Facebook over two years ago. I was reminded of it when a smashing young lady named Denice Hadfield, flagged it up from the Crooked Cat Authors and Readers Group.

Steph and Laurence, the duo behind Crooked Cat, must be pleased that others are taking notice but it says something about me that I never noticed the link to this post, and I wrote it!!!

So here we go with a few silly answers to pointless questions.

1. How many lies have you told in the past week?

I never lie. I only give my version of the truth.

2. On a scale of one to ten, how much do you want to murder a stranger right now?

Since you’re a stranger, come here and I’ll show you.

3. If you were/are a vegetarian, would/do you see it as a worse crime to eat twenty prawns as a starter or a hundredth of a cow (approx.) as a main course?

I see the bigger crime as slicing up spuds and frying them. No one with a vegetarian conscience could do that to a humble potato.

4. What’s worse – falling in love with a nun or a prostitute?

First off you’re mistaking me for someone who gives a shit, and secondly, what difference does it make what they do for a living as long as they do the business?

5. What’s the first thing you think about when you wake up in the morning/early afternoon, in order?

a. Sex
b. Food
c. A cigarette
d. Caffeine
e. More sleep

A, C, A, C, A …C

6. Of the seven dwarfs, who would you most like to share a flat with?

Their gangmaster, Snow White.

7. What’s the best line you’ve come up with for jeh-wits / mormons when they’ve come calling?

I have an arrangement with God. I don’t pester him with prayers and he doesn’t send his apparatchiks to hassle me when I’m charming the knickers off a nun or a prostitute.

8. How smug are you? No, really.

You’re accusing me of being smug? I’d run you down but I don’t want to get blood all over my Bentley.

9. How many badgers would you murder to be successful in your chosen field?

None. Now if you were to ask me how many brain dead pollsters I’d be prepared to murder … well, let’s just say you probably can’t count that far.

10. When you go to Hell, who are you most looking forward to meeting?

You. Just so I can say, “Told you so, dickhead.”