Sometimes, I think I try so hard to gain attention. Altho...

Sometimes, I think I try so hard to gain attention. Although most of the time I say and think that I'm happy being alone, it's not always so. As some sayings state, "No man is an island" and "Man is a social animal". Therefore, man cannot survive without other people. 
It is solely my fault that I feel lonely a lot of times. It's because it had always been hard for me to extend myself to other people. When I think of contacting a person who is special to me, I'd immediately think, "She's/He's not contacting me. She/He might not want my attention anyway" and I'd drop the phone and forget it. It just shows how prideful I am as a person. I also have trust issues. Given my nightmares as a kid and in my early onset on high school, there is always a doubt in me when I meet new people. It is not easy for me to trust people. It is not easy for me to give personal information about myself. Mainly because the few people I have decided to trust throughout my life beside my family have broken it with unreasonable reasons. Can you imagine that? The people whom you decided to give your trust with are the same people who break it. I am so tired of pain. I am so tired of being fooled. And I am so tired of being lied to. Sometimes, I come to a conclusion to just hide within me what's supposed be hidden. At some point, it had become an isolation. 
There are times when I feel better reading a book than having a conversation with someone. There are also times when I prefer sitting at a corner of a party playing cellphone games rather than joining pictures and having conversations. At some point, I think these feelings are self-inflicted. Maybe I'm just sad that I don't have my own circle of close friends. Maybe I just lack a social life. Maybe I just need someone who'll know what's inside my head. Maybe I'm just in a cycle of self-pity. Maybe I'm plain overthinking. Maybe I'm just being...ridiculous. 
Sometimes, not all feelings are caused by something. Sometimes, you just feel certain feelings without any explanations behind it. 
xxRyma Hurt