Maybe Not Monday: The "I Invite You To Try Out This Cool New Thing Called Google" Edition

Men of the online dating persuasion:

If a girl has something in her online profile that you aren't familiar with...like, say, her location, or maybe a favorite movie...then I invite you to try this new thing called "Google Search" before you email her specifically to ask "What's ____?"

And before we go further with this, let me just clarify: I am not bitching about this only because of the above email. 90% of this particular email is great. But the remaining 10% just happens to be a specific habit that I see men engage a lot in during their online dating practices. And so we're talking about it.

Because you know what? That stuff makes you sound stupid. Back when I lived in Spooner, I couldn't even tell you how many guys from Minneapolis would message me just to ask, "Where's Spooner?" Why do I have to map out my location for you? You're the one who checked me out. It's the old-fashioned rule applied to the modern situation - if you're attempting to win a girl's attention, then it's up to you to put in the work. It's like asking a girl out on a date and then expecting her to map out your route to the restaurant you asked her to make reservations at. It's lazy. It makes you look like you need to have your hand held. It immediately conjures up images in her head of her having to do everything in your possible-future relationship, from making the travel plans to initiating sex. THAT IS NOT SEXY.

At least attempt to negotiate your own answers to the questions first. I mean, we have the internet now. It is literally a veritable source of information. I bet if you typed in "Tall Hunter Wellingtons" into the Google Search bar, you'd probably come up with some information. Maybe even a picture!

And if you're thinking, "Yeah, but it gives me something to talk to her about!", then ask yourself this question: How many conversations have you enjoyed that merely consisted of you answering dumb questions?

Exactly.

Do the work, find out the answers, and then impress her with some fact of knowledge that you picked up. Like, "I read that Moonrise Kingdom was going to get a lot of Academy Award attention...what do you think?" See?! That leaves the door wide open for not only lots of illuminating, interesting conversation, but you also impress her with the fact that you know about something that she likes. Even if you didn't only five seconds before.

And you want to impress her, right? I mean, that's kind of the point, is it not?

(if it isn't, then stop emailing her)

So get out there! Use the internet to your advantage! Find out some stuff! It's not just for porn anymore, guys. This internet thing...I mean, I've heard it's going to be huge. Get in on it.


(want more help with your online dating adventures? I'm reformulating my packages and services as we speak, so hit me up freestyle and I'll set you up with some special rates that are only available while the new biz is still in the lab. You get what you want, I get what I want...it's like a KY commercial up in here!)