And take Johnny Depp with you

Dear Ewan-

I'm sorry to have to do this in front of everyone, but our relationship was so public, I don't feel right about hiding our break-up.

Yes, our break-up. I'm breaking up with you.

(Trust me, this hurts me more than it hurts you.)

Maybe we just grew apart. Maybe I got busy with other things and didn't notice that you'd changed. Maybe I just didn't know you well enough to begin with.

But now that I've realized that you're this guy , I'd rather not be associated with you anymore.

Enjoy your...