The Art of Revision, Part 1
Recently, I have read some Indie novels that are the reason for the oft spoken advice, “Get your work professionally edited.” First, I don’t entirely agree with the idea of paying someone to edit, but they do have a point. There is a lot out there that’s poorly written. Work that could be amazing stories, if the writers took the time to learn their craft.
The latest novel, which shall not be named, is tied up from the beginning in the main character relating an long, involved fantastic event that had happened to him as a child. I have not gotten quite a third of the way through it, my eyes keep glazing over. Discussions on how to effectively set up a story arc will be the subject of a later post. The biggest problem in the glazing of my eyes was a combination of flat dialogue, ineffective use of physical gestures and actions – and an overwhelming descent into descriptions of trivial details.
Man, does that story need revision! One of the most succinct statements I have ever heard came from David Coe, author of Winds of the Forelands series, at a writer’s conference two years ago. It was so important, I wrote it down.
“Every sentence you write should do at least two of the following three things; advance the plot, develop the character(s) and provide background information. Ideally, it will do all three.”
No, this is not a matter of packing a sentence with things that don’t belong in it.
“Charlie, did you see my new, bright blue truck, with a built in gun rack that we can use for fishing poles too, that I got just in time to take the girls out to the lake this weekend?”
Sounds silly, doesn’t it. (Sorry, folks, I had to stretch for a bad example.)
Strong writing, that is able to grab a reader and not let go, must be lean. Revision is most often cutting away the excess words. Glorious descriptions of colorful, vivid, exciting scenery, flawless architectural detail, with an abundance of softly swooping butterflies hovering over the edge of the sparkling lake… will glaze the eyes and put the readers mind to sleep faster than the begats in the Bible. Don’t get me wrong, descriptions can have tremendous impact in helping to put the NOW in the story – when seen through the eyes of the character. In the right place, a vivid description can begin to involve the reader’s emotions before a single word is spoken, before a single action is taken. The following paragraph is from Dream Song, soon to be released.
Emerald eyes blazed as Alcar leaned forward, hands pressed to the polished table. Kirrlea watched as he stared incredulously at the stony faces of the Singer Council. Her mind cringed at the anger she felt simmering below the surface of his thoughts and urged caution. It would do them no good to set the Council against them.
Even if it is my own paragraph, it’s a powerful one. No one moved. No one has spoken. The only detail about the setting is the polished table, yet the paragraph screams tension. It is lavish in both detail and verbs that transport the reader into the scene by their own emotions. We can feel Alcar’s anger, Kirrlea’s concern and the Council’s resolve. We don’t know what the conflict is, but we sure know there is one. Each element in the sentences convey clues to the characters and the core of the plot.
This happens to be the first paragraph of Chapter One. I just went looking for the first draft of this book. I won’t quote it, but I think my eyes would have glazed over. Let’s just say it was full of tedious descriptions of the setting, characters, the time of day and leave it at that shall we?
But, we want to see where the story is taking place. The setting is important too, you say? You are right, again it should be carefully crafted and never over done. The following is also from Dream Song and shows how an occasional lapse into what has been called “boondogle” can be useful, both to ground the reader in place and time and, in this case, to provide stark contrast to the scene to follow.
The Coalition Assembly Complex was located on Caledeon, jewel of the Coalition. Pale marble facades gleamed under an azure sky. Shell pink sand raked into smooth paths wound between tropical blossoms in riotous color that flanked the imposing entrance to the palatial structure. A colorful mix of formal attire adorned the people gathered on the steps before the doors. No one wanted to be late for this session. The alignments of interest and who was allied with whom was apparent in the way they were grouped together while they waited. There was little surprise there, Nafron was well aware of the Cartel’s allies.
I deliberately provided some detail to the setting, a lush backdrop for a contentious meeting that narrowly avoided qualifying as a riot. Note that it does not detail the types or sizes of the trees, nor the exact architectural style, nor the clothing styles currently in fashion among the diplomats. There are a few places I mention such details, but they are rare. I wonder though, did you have any problem getting a clear visual image of the scene as described? I doubt it. You have an imagination and the wise writer learns to draw the reader in and let them flesh out the details themselves, drawing active reader participation into the process.
The exceptions are when the details are important to the – plot, character and background information.
Where the hero noticed the murder weapon lying under a bush is important, but I don’t think we really need to know what other trash had accumulated under there, do we? I think that could be covered in – the nauseating smell of the trash as he gingerly plucked out the knife.
I leave it to the reader to decide their interpretation of the nauseating smell or exactly what an imposing entrance to a palatial structure would look like. It’s more readable and a lot more intense that way.
Until next time, happy writing.
