I’ll Be Home for the Holidays (Unless I Go Insane)

I have a message for all retailers. You know those “Christmas in July” sales? They don’t mean you should actually start the holiday season then, okay?

I bring this up, because it seems like we’re heading in that direction, and somebody needs to stop that shit now. Check out the picture I took in a Lowes Home Improvement two freaking weeks ago. Seriously, its mid-October and you have four aisles of Christmas stuff? Whatever happened to Halloween?!

Thumb not included.

I don’t know about you, but last year, after almost three solid months of holiday songs, displays, and commercials, I was about ready to strangle the next person who said anything other than “happy new year.”

This would have been the murder weapon.

For the first time since moving into our house, we didn’t bother to put up a solstice tree, and although we did exchange gifts, I spent less than I had in years because I was so sick of the holidays by then. I’m starting to understand why the Grinch wanted to stick it to those annoying Whos: he’d probably had to listen to their damn carols for three months straight.

The next person who sings “Rudolph” gets it.

So please, retailers, just lay off, okay? After Thanksgiving is the perfect time to start playing holiday music and selling Santa-themed kleenex. Any more of this and I won’t be able to leave my house between September and January for fear of my sanity. And that’s not good news for your bottom line.