Allergens, beware!

What does it mean that I’m finding self-identification from the back of a cereal box?

“Can you name the eight most common allergies?” I asked my husband at breakfast one morning.

He dug into his bowl of oatmeal. “Wheat, peanuts, cats, mold…that’s four,” he offered.

I read the back of the cereal box. “It says that this cereal does not contain any of the eight most common allergies,” I explained. “Not only is it gluten-free, but I’m happy to tell you that Maple Sunrise doesn’t have any cats or mold in it, either. I know I’m relieved.”

He picked up the box and examined it. “It says ‘allergens,’ not ‘allergies,’ Jan,” he pointed out.  “You need to wear your glasses. That type is pretty hard to read, though. They probably have a lot of people thinking it says ‘allergies.’”

I took the package back. “Okay, allergens. Let’s see: wheat, peanuts, tree nuts, soy, eggs, fish, shellfish, and milk.” I looked at my husband. “Everything I like to eat. I’m a walking allergen.”

“Good thing you work at home,” he said. “The less you’re around other people, the safer they are.”

“I could wear an isolation suit when I go out in public,” I suggested. “I’d walk really slowly and breathe through a filtering device.” I made a Darth Vader-like loud breathing noise to illustrate my point.

“Oh, yeah,” my husband solemnly agreed. “That would definitely keep people away from you. You might be onto something there, Jan. You know, for the good of others, and all that.”

He smiled and left for work.

Wait a minute…