I’m Not Prejudiced. I Just Don’t Like Commas.

I recently received a draft of one of my manuscripts back from my editor. While he hasn't gotten on my case for using the word "that" too frequently, I did notice that most of the edits were to insert commas where I had left them out.

So in my defense, I’d like to clarify something:
I’m not prejudiced against commas. But I do have certain beliefs.

For example, I don’t believe that commas and other punctuation should mix in the same sentence. Commas should be allowed to exist in separate but equal sentences but other punctuation should not be forced to mix with them.

Furthermore, when commas and periods get together, the period should always be on top. This is what God intended and this union is referred to as a “semicolon.” Notice that a full colon, the stronger form of punctuation, is two periods. I don’t know what God was thinking there, but I’m sure He had a good reason for it, as commas were completely left out of the mark. Besides, Vonnegut hated semicolons, also.

I’ve also noticed that commas occasionally think too much of themselves. They get lofty ideas and turn into apostrophes. Even worse, sometimes these self-important bits of punctuation join together into pairs and become quotation marks. This is not natural. They are rising above their place in life and should be stopped.

I don’t hate commas. In fact, they're sometimes necessary. But they invade paragraphs, even when they’re unwanted. Just look at this blog post. They’re everywhere.