What's The Title of This Blog Post?
I've been thinking more and more about demographics and taste. How my current life position influences what I want to read, and by extension what I want to write. I think intellectually we all understand that tastes vary, but I think emotionally we all just naturally assume that our tastes are the default. Other people may like strange things, but the things we think are wonderful everyone must also find wonderful too.
It's no secret, I've often been frustrated by what readers in the M/M community keep telling me is good and what I should write in order to achieve that standard of "goodness". Frustrated because no matter how I try it just doesn't make sense to me. I can't make myself enjoy certain "popular" books. I can't make myself want to change my stories to fit the suggested criteria.
As I look at all the pictures from GRL going around Goodreads, it finally hits me. The internet can be such a contentious place because it shelters us from the in-person signals that will often steer us away from bad behavior. Make us second guess just long enough for the opportunity to be lost. I think it's so easy to stir up shit on the net because the opportunity to respond never passes ... but ALSO because we sit at our screens and ever-so-naturally assume we are basically talking to ourselves. We become blind to age, race, gender, sexual identity, but in being so we become less tolerant of differences because those differences become more confounding-- What do you mean you disagree? That makes no sense!
When you can see the face of the person you're talking to. It's easier to put differences of opinion in context with their age, race, etc, etc, etc. And paradoxically I think we become more tolerant in these environments because your opinion no longer becomes something that threatens how I look among people like me. You are not from my group. Our disagreement does not equal social rejection for one of us.
Anyway, I've decided to do something I don't like doing in general ... writing about myself ^_^;;; Some of you may have noticed, whereas other writers have author bios pages long ... mine tend to be two or three lines. And that's if they're there AT ALL. Any time I can get away with not writing them I go for it because I really hate talking about myself.
But there are some elements of who I am that strongly affect my tastes and my decision making process. Maybe we should title this list "Things To Know About Isa Before You Read Her Books" instead. That's certainly what it feels like ... but anyway. In no particular order:
1 - I just turned 30 this September
That makes me about ten to twenty years younger than most M/M readers. But more important than my physical age is the life situation around it: I'm not married, have never been married, have no kids, have only one friend married with kids. I tend to be attracted to books that represent future possibilities, because right now life hasn't lost its early I-can-be-ANYTHING-I-WANT feel. Travel! adventure! interesting esoteric subjects! Bring it on! Stories about settling down in happliy-ever-after ... I'll pass XD
2 - I work in tech. My actual job title is hacker (seriously)
...But only occasionally that kind of hacking :p Most of the people I work with are young men in their twenties. It's definitely a frat house culture. Free alcohol and junk food is literally everywhere. You know that scene from The Social Network where they're taking shots and writing code? ... yeah, it's not that far off.
I don't like to put too much tech into my work, nor do I like to read tech stuff in fiction. Technology does not advance in the glamorous way readers want. One technology does not just completely displace another: we still have horse and carts, we still have radios, we still have typewriters ... we just use them for different things.
Nevertheless my technical background does often seep into the background of my stuff. Towards the end of How To Quit Playing Hockey there's a scene where Mac and Stammer are talking about Fritzy "checking in" to an arena and the possibility of him becoming "mayor" ... both references to tech darling Foursquare. I didn't think anything of it until every single editor at Loose Id highlighted "mayor" is a potential error because they had no idea what Foursquare was. Haha.
3 - I live at home with my parents, but that's not at all unusual for people with my job
Not because we're young, but because we travel so much. Some squat in sublets, crash on couches, live with family ... I have one colleague who is functionally homeless. He lives out of his backpack, crashing on couch after couch with his girlfriend in tow. Another goes months where he only sees his own bed maybe three nights in total.
With rents being what they are, it doesn't always make sense to live like an adult :)
This weekend is my first free weekend in two months. I speak at conferences, I attend overnight events ... when I'm home bound I leave for work at 8am and don't get back until 8pm at the earliest.
I've lived on my own before and I have the resources to do so now. But I've come to appreciate the benefits of not coming home to an empty house/apartment with no food (or worse food that has gone bad!) when you live this type of life. Despite the fact that I'm living with them, I barely see my parents @_@
I've been thinking more and more about eventually buying my own place. I make enough money to do it (even with NYC prices)... but I feel like without the support system here my lifestyle would gradually add loneliness and depression to exhaustion (heh) So I don't know.
4 - I tested with an extremely high IQ as a child but I also have a pretty severe learning disability
Most people assume that learning disabilities put a cap on your potential IQ right off the bat, but the reality is the two things have nothing to do with one another. My learning disability affects my ability to communicate clearly and to understand what others are trying to explain (sometimes). On the worst days I feel trapped in an invisible box. On the best I come off as a bit eccentric. I have certain ways of reworking knowledge so that it fits comfortably in my brain and over time I've figured out my learning style and how best to conquer the most troubling elements.
But it's still there. Anyone who's ever read my work unedited will tell you that. I leave the ends off words, swap out words with others by mistake, sometimes leave out words altogether. And I could reread something I wrote seventeen times and still not see those errors.
If you've ever written a review where you've commented upon my "typos" I promise you I've fantasized about punching you in the face ;)
I know! I know! You have to say it. I try really hard not to get offended that the review never thought to help me out by sending me an email, instead chose to make me look stupid in front of everyone over something that usually takes ten minutes to fix. Nothing makes me more rage face than this attitude that my mistakes are a sign of laziness or carelessness. When people say "Oh this was really good, but you should have taken a minute to proofread it quickly" I can't help the urge to stab things to death. The truth is I did proofread it. I probably proofread it three or four times, over the course of a couple of hours. Fuck it, I can't think my way out of my own brain, okay?
(For this reason I will never able be to fully express my gratitude to the people who *do* take the time to send me correction when they notice errors. Please don't think you're being rude or offending me!)
The other major effect this has on my writing is the way I deal with other writers and editors. When I was younger, as soon as people found out I was learning disabled they basically started treating me like I was intellectually inferior, even if they had considered me an equal up to that point. As a result I have zero tolerance for the logical-fallacy-loving-pretentions of many "writers" ... I'm sometimes (okay most of the time) arrogant as a defense mechanism, but I respect people who can argue their perspective with actual data rather than stupid "everyone knows this is true" bullying. I'll yield to people who can make their case without throwing their ego around and destroy anyone who tries to force me to agree by whipping up some BS "trust me, I know".
When I was in high school all of my peers and some of my teachers discouraged me from really trying to be the best at anything because it was "known" that people with learning disabilities could only be second best to people without them. If I managed to beat a "normal" person at something it was only because I cheated ... or the other person wasn't really trying.
Well now I make three times as much money as all those people and have just been invited to speak at Yale, so anyone who justifies their opinion with "everyone knows this is the case" can fuck off.
5 - I have poly-leanings and lots of LGBT friends
I write about asexuals because for a long time I felt that might be what I was ... now I realize it was never the sex that I didn't want, it was the relationship ^_^;;;; I like my personal space, I like A LOT of personal space and I've found the poly lifestyle to be psychologically appealing because it means that partners won't be completely dependent on me to be there 24/7. I'm fine with commitments, fidelity and putting work into a relationship ... I just need more solitude than most others and I get that it's not fair to leave a partner alone for as long as I sometimes do.
My closeness to alternative sexualities means that I have a very knee-jerk negative reaction to anything that tries to force all relationships in a hetero-nominative mold. Especially "menage"! Okay ... a good M/M romance where there's a "masculine" partner and a "feminine" partner is fine once and a while (it's not as if that never actually happens in real relationships. I would never challenge an author for wanting to write it).
But M/M is primarily a market of straight monogamist women writing for other straight monogamist women and sometimes the "give me my m/f fantasy with more penises involved" thing gets a little out of hand for my tastes. I get really annoyed at the whining when the "romance" doesn't end up the way m/f love stories are supposed to end. I mean, I don't want sad, depressing, everyone-dies endings either ... but come on, there's more to a great relationship than Cinderella-style I love yous.
So ... basically, in conclusion (if you will), I write young because I am young. I don't write traditional romantic relationships because I'm not interested in traditional romantic relationships. I give away so much of my work for free because I'm obsessed with my IRL job and don't have any interest or passion in doing this "writer thing" as a professional. I come off as disrespectful to your favorite writers because I'm fundamentally against this idea that rank and prestige makes one person's opinion better than someone else's.
This is who I am as a person :)
It's no secret, I've often been frustrated by what readers in the M/M community keep telling me is good and what I should write in order to achieve that standard of "goodness". Frustrated because no matter how I try it just doesn't make sense to me. I can't make myself enjoy certain "popular" books. I can't make myself want to change my stories to fit the suggested criteria.
As I look at all the pictures from GRL going around Goodreads, it finally hits me. The internet can be such a contentious place because it shelters us from the in-person signals that will often steer us away from bad behavior. Make us second guess just long enough for the opportunity to be lost. I think it's so easy to stir up shit on the net because the opportunity to respond never passes ... but ALSO because we sit at our screens and ever-so-naturally assume we are basically talking to ourselves. We become blind to age, race, gender, sexual identity, but in being so we become less tolerant of differences because those differences become more confounding-- What do you mean you disagree? That makes no sense!
When you can see the face of the person you're talking to. It's easier to put differences of opinion in context with their age, race, etc, etc, etc. And paradoxically I think we become more tolerant in these environments because your opinion no longer becomes something that threatens how I look among people like me. You are not from my group. Our disagreement does not equal social rejection for one of us.
Anyway, I've decided to do something I don't like doing in general ... writing about myself ^_^;;; Some of you may have noticed, whereas other writers have author bios pages long ... mine tend to be two or three lines. And that's if they're there AT ALL. Any time I can get away with not writing them I go for it because I really hate talking about myself.
But there are some elements of who I am that strongly affect my tastes and my decision making process. Maybe we should title this list "Things To Know About Isa Before You Read Her Books" instead. That's certainly what it feels like ... but anyway. In no particular order:
1 - I just turned 30 this September
That makes me about ten to twenty years younger than most M/M readers. But more important than my physical age is the life situation around it: I'm not married, have never been married, have no kids, have only one friend married with kids. I tend to be attracted to books that represent future possibilities, because right now life hasn't lost its early I-can-be-ANYTHING-I-WANT feel. Travel! adventure! interesting esoteric subjects! Bring it on! Stories about settling down in happliy-ever-after ... I'll pass XD
2 - I work in tech. My actual job title is hacker (seriously)
...But only occasionally that kind of hacking :p Most of the people I work with are young men in their twenties. It's definitely a frat house culture. Free alcohol and junk food is literally everywhere. You know that scene from The Social Network where they're taking shots and writing code? ... yeah, it's not that far off.
I don't like to put too much tech into my work, nor do I like to read tech stuff in fiction. Technology does not advance in the glamorous way readers want. One technology does not just completely displace another: we still have horse and carts, we still have radios, we still have typewriters ... we just use them for different things.
Nevertheless my technical background does often seep into the background of my stuff. Towards the end of How To Quit Playing Hockey there's a scene where Mac and Stammer are talking about Fritzy "checking in" to an arena and the possibility of him becoming "mayor" ... both references to tech darling Foursquare. I didn't think anything of it until every single editor at Loose Id highlighted "mayor" is a potential error because they had no idea what Foursquare was. Haha.
3 - I live at home with my parents, but that's not at all unusual for people with my job
Not because we're young, but because we travel so much. Some squat in sublets, crash on couches, live with family ... I have one colleague who is functionally homeless. He lives out of his backpack, crashing on couch after couch with his girlfriend in tow. Another goes months where he only sees his own bed maybe three nights in total.
With rents being what they are, it doesn't always make sense to live like an adult :)
This weekend is my first free weekend in two months. I speak at conferences, I attend overnight events ... when I'm home bound I leave for work at 8am and don't get back until 8pm at the earliest.
I've lived on my own before and I have the resources to do so now. But I've come to appreciate the benefits of not coming home to an empty house/apartment with no food (or worse food that has gone bad!) when you live this type of life. Despite the fact that I'm living with them, I barely see my parents @_@
I've been thinking more and more about eventually buying my own place. I make enough money to do it (even with NYC prices)... but I feel like without the support system here my lifestyle would gradually add loneliness and depression to exhaustion (heh) So I don't know.
4 - I tested with an extremely high IQ as a child but I also have a pretty severe learning disability
Most people assume that learning disabilities put a cap on your potential IQ right off the bat, but the reality is the two things have nothing to do with one another. My learning disability affects my ability to communicate clearly and to understand what others are trying to explain (sometimes). On the worst days I feel trapped in an invisible box. On the best I come off as a bit eccentric. I have certain ways of reworking knowledge so that it fits comfortably in my brain and over time I've figured out my learning style and how best to conquer the most troubling elements.
But it's still there. Anyone who's ever read my work unedited will tell you that. I leave the ends off words, swap out words with others by mistake, sometimes leave out words altogether. And I could reread something I wrote seventeen times and still not see those errors.
If you've ever written a review where you've commented upon my "typos" I promise you I've fantasized about punching you in the face ;)
I know! I know! You have to say it. I try really hard not to get offended that the review never thought to help me out by sending me an email, instead chose to make me look stupid in front of everyone over something that usually takes ten minutes to fix. Nothing makes me more rage face than this attitude that my mistakes are a sign of laziness or carelessness. When people say "Oh this was really good, but you should have taken a minute to proofread it quickly" I can't help the urge to stab things to death. The truth is I did proofread it. I probably proofread it three or four times, over the course of a couple of hours. Fuck it, I can't think my way out of my own brain, okay?
(For this reason I will never able be to fully express my gratitude to the people who *do* take the time to send me correction when they notice errors. Please don't think you're being rude or offending me!)
The other major effect this has on my writing is the way I deal with other writers and editors. When I was younger, as soon as people found out I was learning disabled they basically started treating me like I was intellectually inferior, even if they had considered me an equal up to that point. As a result I have zero tolerance for the logical-fallacy-loving-pretentions of many "writers" ... I'm sometimes (okay most of the time) arrogant as a defense mechanism, but I respect people who can argue their perspective with actual data rather than stupid "everyone knows this is true" bullying. I'll yield to people who can make their case without throwing their ego around and destroy anyone who tries to force me to agree by whipping up some BS "trust me, I know".
When I was in high school all of my peers and some of my teachers discouraged me from really trying to be the best at anything because it was "known" that people with learning disabilities could only be second best to people without them. If I managed to beat a "normal" person at something it was only because I cheated ... or the other person wasn't really trying.
Well now I make three times as much money as all those people and have just been invited to speak at Yale, so anyone who justifies their opinion with "everyone knows this is the case" can fuck off.
5 - I have poly-leanings and lots of LGBT friends
I write about asexuals because for a long time I felt that might be what I was ... now I realize it was never the sex that I didn't want, it was the relationship ^_^;;;; I like my personal space, I like A LOT of personal space and I've found the poly lifestyle to be psychologically appealing because it means that partners won't be completely dependent on me to be there 24/7. I'm fine with commitments, fidelity and putting work into a relationship ... I just need more solitude than most others and I get that it's not fair to leave a partner alone for as long as I sometimes do.
My closeness to alternative sexualities means that I have a very knee-jerk negative reaction to anything that tries to force all relationships in a hetero-nominative mold. Especially "menage"! Okay ... a good M/M romance where there's a "masculine" partner and a "feminine" partner is fine once and a while (it's not as if that never actually happens in real relationships. I would never challenge an author for wanting to write it).
But M/M is primarily a market of straight monogamist women writing for other straight monogamist women and sometimes the "give me my m/f fantasy with more penises involved" thing gets a little out of hand for my tastes. I get really annoyed at the whining when the "romance" doesn't end up the way m/f love stories are supposed to end. I mean, I don't want sad, depressing, everyone-dies endings either ... but come on, there's more to a great relationship than Cinderella-style I love yous.
So ... basically, in conclusion (if you will), I write young because I am young. I don't write traditional romantic relationships because I'm not interested in traditional romantic relationships. I give away so much of my work for free because I'm obsessed with my IRL job and don't have any interest or passion in doing this "writer thing" as a professional. I come off as disrespectful to your favorite writers because I'm fundamentally against this idea that rank and prestige makes one person's opinion better than someone else's.
This is who I am as a person :)
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..... O_O .... Hey, as long as I get to rock the cane.
Wow, Isa, this is an awesome in-depth analysis of your own life. And a fascinating glimpse for me into a lifestyle I never would have guessed existed for a NY professional. :) I have a ton of respect for you for battling through your learning disability.Don't know about this giving me any perspective in reading your stories since I'm usually too immersed in the story to step back and think about the author, but if you wrote about yourself as the MC in a story, I would really want to read it!
It's great to learn more about you, Isa, thanks.
Fritzy "checking in" to an arena and the possibility of him becoming "mayorHeee, I know that reference. ^^
Hello, Isa, I'm of your age (early thirties), I used to graduate from Information Management of a Computer Science program, but it gave me headache so I left that field a looooong time ago. AND OMG Windows ME *lol*. It's great to learn more about you. Thank you for sharing this with us ...
but if you wrote about yourself as the MC in a story, I would really want to read it!
Like what Eve said. Wrote about yourself as an MC, I would love to read that too.
Eve wrote: "Wow, Isa, this is an awesome in-depth analysis of your own life. And a fascinating glimpse for me into a lifestyle I never would have guessed existed for a NY professional. :) I have a ton of resp..."To be honest, Clare in Split Self is the closest I've come to an MC based on me (I was actually offered the job she has) same snark, same sarcasm, same insecurities. It's also very techy (references and major plot points around Gawker, 4chan, Twitter, etc)
But my reservation in recommending it is that ... Well first it's m/f with a blink-and-you-miss it m/m, and second the original editor dropped out due to scheduling conflicts half way through. So in addition to being one of those Isa-will-get-to-the-point-eventually books, it's a little choppy in the middle.
I still have a free copy that I never gave away though :D
PS- I am drunk because my friend knows the bar manager and he keeps sending over samples. At this point I'm not even sure I'm writing in English. Sorry
Emma wrote: "I bet drunk Isa is a blast."*hiccups* .... she has her moments. Mostly she just gets sleepy and confused by basic math.
Nice to "meet" you, Isa! It's always fascinating to learn more about the person on the other side of the computer screen. I haven't read much of what you've written yet, so I'm not sure how much (if any) difference it makes in how I read your stories. But I've loved what I've read and am looking forward to reading more!
Sorry to break it to you, Isa. You are old. :D