Guaranteed Publishing Contract Spell

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You will need:

½ cup of Haggis Scented Oil; a sheet of parchment paper with your name written on it in green ink; a small dish (capable of holding liquids); a pink candle

What to do:

Light the pink candle, and place the parchment paper in the dish. Little by little, pour the oil on the paper while saying thrice:

Paper contract come alive and grow

Pour down on me both high and low

Snuff out the candle, and leave the dish undisturbed, in place, for three consecutive nights. During those three nights, re-light the candle and recite the chant.