Why am I born
The attendant outside the operation theatre looked at us with bewilderment. “Sir, please wait at the waiting lounge below. You will be informed about the outcome of the operation in due time. You cannot stand here”. He was right. I was not alone. There were twenty of us crowding the small space outside the operation theatre. The anticipation of the result was written large on our faces. We went downstairs and waited with bated breath. I thought about my wife who was now at the operation table getting ready to face the knives of the doctors. For nine months we had waited for this day. The last time I saw her getting ferried to the operation theatre; she had tears in her eyes. May be the tears were for the fear of the unknown or in anticipation of the birth of a new life. Will it be he or she? For me it was immaterial but it was not the case with everyone. For my parents sitting fifteen hundred kilometers away in a remote corner of this country, it was a big question. Because the society in which they live the birth of a boy brings prosperity and birth of a girl means a taboo.
The phone rang and I was informed about the birth of the girl child. My first issue, but the fifth girl child born in the family. It was only the doctor who delivered the child uttered the word-‘congratulation’. All my relatives were consoling me. My parents called to say-“No problem. It is the first issue. For the next one, be careful!” ‘Be careful’ a phrase that translates into getting aborted if the next one is a girl child. The distance of fifteen hundred kilometers translated into the distance of a hundred year. I looked at the girl child who was whining inconsolably, maybe asking me the question-‘Papa why am I born?’ Will I get the same status in the society as a boy?
“Sure you would. I thought in my mind.” But was I sure? I decided to be doubly sure before she actually uttered those words to me . I turned to the census of India for brushing up my general knowledge of current status of girl child in India
The census of India (2001) shows the sex ratio as 933, an increase in 6 points from the last census. I was glad to know that at least seven more fellow Indians will be able to find a bride. But there were more shocking news. The lowest sex ratio is in daman- 591.Where has almost half of the population of that place vanished? In Delhi I had always met with denial whenever I attempted to know the sex of the fetus, out of curiosity. I took proud in seeing that female feticide has vanished in Delhi. But I was again proved wrong. In a report in TOI (15/09/2010) it was stated that the sex ratio in Delhi has dived to 915, due to rampant illegal female feticide. My poor home state Bihar fare better with a score of 925, an increase in 14 points in the last decade. Only solace I could find was that data showed the state of Kerala has a ratio of 1058.
Education, I thought is the key for improving the plight of women in our country. I took solace in the fact that I am one of the lucky few in the country who are well educated and are able to provide a better future to my child.
But then my eyes fell on another statistics. The sex ratio of Bihar in 1951 was 1000 and it increased by five points in the next decade and thereafter it decreased. Does that mean that our ancestors were more literate and more prosperous? I knew for certain that they were not. Damn with statistics! I thought of some other answer.
I asked my mother why she wanted a male child. She said it is necessary to carry on the lineage of our ancestors. Is it so? I tried to recall the name of my ancestors and my memory stopped at my grandfather’s name. Who was his father? I do not know. Even for the best known family in India the lineage stops at Motilal Nehru? Who was his father? Perhaps I would have to search the history books. But then there is the lady-Indira in between the famous lineage!
Five days after I faced another real situation. The eunuchs arrived at our doors for giving their blessings to my child. Here also there was discrimination in rates. The rate for a male child is fifteen thousand and for girl child is five thousand. I was amazed to see the discrimination at the hands of those who are themselves at the receiving ends of the society.
But then why this discrimination? Why we are still obsessed with male child? Why in a country where we worship mother Goddesses, we kill girl child at birth.
I looked at my child and saw her smiling as to say-“papa my question was correct.”
Indeed she was correct. The discrimination does exist however we may try to ignore it. The so called ‘glass ceilings’ exist and sooner or later one experience it. One Indira Gandhi or Indira Nooyie cannot change the mentality of this society. But then is my child destined to live under that ‘glass ceiling’ or will she find her way out? Determined to find an answer I searched further and came across a beautiful story a described in the famous book-‘You can win ‘by Shiv Khera.
‘An eagle's egg was placed in the nest of a prairie chicken. The egg hatched and the little eagle grew up thinking it was a prairie chicken. The eagle did what the prairie chickens did. It scratched in the dirt for seeds. It clucked and cackled. It never flew more than a few feet because that is what the prairie chickens did. One day he saw an eagle flying gracefully and majestically in the open sky. He asked the prairie chickens: "What is that beautiful bird?" The chickens replied, "That is an eagle. He is an outstanding bird, but you cannot fly like him because you are just a prairie chicken." So the eagle never gave it a second thought, believing that to be the truth. He lived the life of and died a prairie chicken, depriving himself of his heritage because of his lack of vision. ’
The morale of the story -If you want to soar like an eagle, you have to learn the ways of an eagle. Fortunately I am there to guide my child to ‘learn the ways of an eagle’. I returned back to her and said-“I do not know for what purpose you are born. But I am happy that you are born and I will be there to teach you the ways of the eagle but it will be you who will have to find your rightful place in this society. I only pray to God that when your child will be born she would not have to ask the question-“Why am I born?”
P.S- This thought was penned two years back when my daughter was born. Sadly, however the situation has not changed much. These incidents have prompted me to give more emphasis to female characters in my novels. My next novel-India One – has three leading female protagonist who stop at nothing.
The phone rang and I was informed about the birth of the girl child. My first issue, but the fifth girl child born in the family. It was only the doctor who delivered the child uttered the word-‘congratulation’. All my relatives were consoling me. My parents called to say-“No problem. It is the first issue. For the next one, be careful!” ‘Be careful’ a phrase that translates into getting aborted if the next one is a girl child. The distance of fifteen hundred kilometers translated into the distance of a hundred year. I looked at the girl child who was whining inconsolably, maybe asking me the question-‘Papa why am I born?’ Will I get the same status in the society as a boy?
“Sure you would. I thought in my mind.” But was I sure? I decided to be doubly sure before she actually uttered those words to me . I turned to the census of India for brushing up my general knowledge of current status of girl child in India
The census of India (2001) shows the sex ratio as 933, an increase in 6 points from the last census. I was glad to know that at least seven more fellow Indians will be able to find a bride. But there were more shocking news. The lowest sex ratio is in daman- 591.Where has almost half of the population of that place vanished? In Delhi I had always met with denial whenever I attempted to know the sex of the fetus, out of curiosity. I took proud in seeing that female feticide has vanished in Delhi. But I was again proved wrong. In a report in TOI (15/09/2010) it was stated that the sex ratio in Delhi has dived to 915, due to rampant illegal female feticide. My poor home state Bihar fare better with a score of 925, an increase in 14 points in the last decade. Only solace I could find was that data showed the state of Kerala has a ratio of 1058.
Education, I thought is the key for improving the plight of women in our country. I took solace in the fact that I am one of the lucky few in the country who are well educated and are able to provide a better future to my child.
But then my eyes fell on another statistics. The sex ratio of Bihar in 1951 was 1000 and it increased by five points in the next decade and thereafter it decreased. Does that mean that our ancestors were more literate and more prosperous? I knew for certain that they were not. Damn with statistics! I thought of some other answer.
I asked my mother why she wanted a male child. She said it is necessary to carry on the lineage of our ancestors. Is it so? I tried to recall the name of my ancestors and my memory stopped at my grandfather’s name. Who was his father? I do not know. Even for the best known family in India the lineage stops at Motilal Nehru? Who was his father? Perhaps I would have to search the history books. But then there is the lady-Indira in between the famous lineage!
Five days after I faced another real situation. The eunuchs arrived at our doors for giving their blessings to my child. Here also there was discrimination in rates. The rate for a male child is fifteen thousand and for girl child is five thousand. I was amazed to see the discrimination at the hands of those who are themselves at the receiving ends of the society.
But then why this discrimination? Why we are still obsessed with male child? Why in a country where we worship mother Goddesses, we kill girl child at birth.
I looked at my child and saw her smiling as to say-“papa my question was correct.”
Indeed she was correct. The discrimination does exist however we may try to ignore it. The so called ‘glass ceilings’ exist and sooner or later one experience it. One Indira Gandhi or Indira Nooyie cannot change the mentality of this society. But then is my child destined to live under that ‘glass ceiling’ or will she find her way out? Determined to find an answer I searched further and came across a beautiful story a described in the famous book-‘You can win ‘by Shiv Khera.
‘An eagle's egg was placed in the nest of a prairie chicken. The egg hatched and the little eagle grew up thinking it was a prairie chicken. The eagle did what the prairie chickens did. It scratched in the dirt for seeds. It clucked and cackled. It never flew more than a few feet because that is what the prairie chickens did. One day he saw an eagle flying gracefully and majestically in the open sky. He asked the prairie chickens: "What is that beautiful bird?" The chickens replied, "That is an eagle. He is an outstanding bird, but you cannot fly like him because you are just a prairie chicken." So the eagle never gave it a second thought, believing that to be the truth. He lived the life of and died a prairie chicken, depriving himself of his heritage because of his lack of vision. ’
The morale of the story -If you want to soar like an eagle, you have to learn the ways of an eagle. Fortunately I am there to guide my child to ‘learn the ways of an eagle’. I returned back to her and said-“I do not know for what purpose you are born. But I am happy that you are born and I will be there to teach you the ways of the eagle but it will be you who will have to find your rightful place in this society. I only pray to God that when your child will be born she would not have to ask the question-“Why am I born?”
P.S- This thought was penned two years back when my daughter was born. Sadly, however the situation has not changed much. These incidents have prompted me to give more emphasis to female characters in my novels. My next novel-India One – has three leading female protagonist who stop at nothing.
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