Post-Mortem: Abraham Road

Abraham Road Cover Art

John Mandler: So you said you weren’t going to self-publish again, and then you did anyway.

Kristopher Kelly: Exactly.

JM: Feel good about that?

KK: Nope.

JM: Why did you do it?

KK: I thought it would make a good Kindle Single. I thought they’d accept it. I’d read a lot of Singles. Thought this was definitely on par, if not better. Shows what I know.

JM: And so?

KK: Just got word back. Another one for the rejection pile.

JM: That’s a shame.

KK: I know.

JM: I’m not even real, am I?

KK: Afraid not. This is another self-interview on a mostly-ignored blog about a self-published book that’s going nowhere.

JM: Oh yeah, how are sales?

KK: Inconsequential.

JM: Are you quite done with self-publishing, then?

KK: Who can say. Probably. Maybe. I think so. I don’t know.

JM: You submit a piece to McSweeney’s again this week?

KK: Sure did.

JM: Good luck with that. You gonna be all right, hoss?

KK: More or less. What’s that the reality competition people always say? “You ain’t seen the last of me!”

JM: So we’ve not seen the last of you?

KK: I dunno. I hope not. But this one hurts.

JM: Smarts.

KK: Stings.

JM: Burns.

KK: Kick to the groin.

JM: Slap to the face.

KK: Stick in the eye.

JM: A muddy one.

KK: I thought it was a great story. I thought it would connect.

JM: Yeah. Writers always think that. Not always true, is it?

KK: No, indeed.

JM: Will you start submitting to real places, please?

KK: Yes. I guess.

JM: Will you quit fucking around and focus on editing those novels?

KK: Yes.

JM: Good. Now get out of here, chump. I’m sick of talking about you.