How to Manage a Bullying Boss
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If you’ve ever been yelled at, demeaned or otherwise intimidated by your boss, you’re not alone. An estimated 54 million Americans have recently reported being bullied at work.
Bullying bosses come in many forms but the result is usually the same: frustration and demoralization, especially if it’s a job you can’t afford to lose. I recently spoke with human resources expert Steven Kane to discuss tips on dealing with a difficult supervisor. Here’s some of his top advice:
It’s Not You. It’s Your Boss.
Don’t take anything personally if you have an overbearing and intimidating manager. Kane explains that most office bullying comes from bosses who are out of touch. “These are people who intend their comments or actions to be innocent, but they’re usually too out of the loop to see they’re having a negative effect on employees,” he says. Next is the highly-critical boss who means to motivate but really serves to demoralize. And he says the last type is the run-of-the-mill jerk, bosses who are generally nasty without provocation or reason. Your boss may not fit these archetypes but Kane says analyzing the theme around your bosses bullying is a great first step to developing solutions.
Talk It Out
It’s a hard conversation to have but the best thing you can do is take the issue directly to you boss first, says Kane. After all, he or she is the one directly responsible and with the most power to make a change. “The strategy is to be properly armed for a discussion, not a confrontation,” Kane warns. For a productive conversation, he suggests scheduling time to talk during the workday. “Don’t accuse and don’t complain,” says Kane. It’s a delicate situation and, if handled poorly, can backfire. ”The most important thing is that he sees the behavior is having a negative effect on morale and/or your work. Resolving that should be presented as a win-win for you both.”
So, in the meeting, be polite and specific. Dates and details will help your boss pin down exact events where you felt bullied. Explain how it may have been distracting and if bullying is a part of your boss’ management style, offer alternatives to direct the conversation toward problem solving.
Time It Right
If you’re going to present your issues to the offending boss, Kane says do it in a timely manner. You don’t want to wait months, even years, after an offense. Wait instead until the first available moment to hash it out. According to Kane, your boss’ assistant, if he or she has one, can help identify a good work-free moment to meet. Another tip: Don’t do it at lunch or another seemingly informal situation. Kane says it could leave your boss feeling ambushed and put him on the defensive. Another great time to address the bullying is in your regular performance review. That’s your time to be honest. Companies take these meetings seriously so be fair if you complain and, again, be specific. Provide examples and articulate a favorable outcome.
Involve HR
“The path to fixing the problem has so many factors,” Kane says. Resources for resolution vary based on the size your company, if you’re unionized and how functional the human resources department is. “The role of the HR department is the biggest single factor,” Kane says. If you can’t have a conversation with your boss and the problems persist, it could be time to bring in another party. Professionals in the HR department can help you first identify if your problem has legal implications and violates any of your rights as an employee. They’ll also be able to provide you with proven conflict resolution tools or potentially mediate a conversation with your boss.
Photo Courtesy, Victor1558.
