Help! I don't like my child!
(I am counting this post as pat of my series- 31 days of joy on the mommy job- because it is precisely in struggles like these that I find renewed joy in Jesus who forgives and sustains and helps me in all things.)
Emily....
I need prayers. A lot. Please, don't judge me, just pray for me.
Here it goes...... I struggle with liking my son, daily. God help me and forgive me. I love him dearly and there are so many great and wonderful things about him. He posses qualities that any, normal, mother would adore. I struggle with him though. It is because I do not handle his [specific personality, moods, quirks] well. It wears on me and I start getting mad. I have very little patience.
God, please let me get a handle on this. Let my son grow to be the wonderful person he is in spite of me. God, You created this magnificent child for a purpose. Please, help me in not screwing this up!-- Weary Mom
Dear Weary Mom,I relate very much to this struggle.
First, let me relieve you with this- you have not been commanded to LIKE your son. Seriously. You have to love him, yes, but love is not a feeling of approval. Love does not mean that you enjoy his presence all the time. To love him means you do what is best for him—to pour yourself out for him and seek his good.
Yes, I know, that is impossible too, in light of our selfishness and sin.
But what is impossible for us is possible in Christ. God does not just forgive our sins but he gives us his righteousness. That means, we get to use His love, His patience, His wisdom as we serve those around us. This is why we are invited and ordered to abide in Him! He knows that without him we just have selfish sin, but with him we learn (slowly sometimes!) to see as He sees, and borrow everything we need from His hand. It is by His grace alone that we are able to seek the good of others despite our feelings.
You also have the difficult job of sorting out the behavior of your son. What is just a personality quirk? What is sin? What should I address for the sake of those who will interact with him for the rest of his life? Are there things that he simply cannot control? Is he just being stubborn? Is he just different, and that is what is annoying me?
I wish there was an easy way to sort these things out. I encourage you to prayerfully observe your son as you wrestle through these things.And take refuge in the grace of God that covers you and him even in the middle of these growing pains.
--- Emily
God, please help me love my son as you love me.
Help me know what parts of his behaviors are simply HIM and things that I need to put up with—change me where I need changing—and help me know what behaviors are things that need correcting.Teach me to discipline him not just for my sake, but for his, as it is my job to help him grow into a person who can handle his emotions and love and serve others with compassion and self-control.Help me, when I need to 'be the wall' –to give firm and consistent consequences for misbehavior—because this is exhausting, and it is hard to sort out my selfishness from what is right.
Forgive me when I get all this wrong.
Cover both of us in grace. More importantly than all of this, teach me to point him (and myself!) to You each day- that we may both take refuge in your constant love for us.
In Jesus,
Amen.
Do you ever have trouble liking your child?
What other advice do you have for this weary mom?
Emily....
I need prayers. A lot. Please, don't judge me, just pray for me.
Here it goes...... I struggle with liking my son, daily. God help me and forgive me. I love him dearly and there are so many great and wonderful things about him. He posses qualities that any, normal, mother would adore. I struggle with him though. It is because I do not handle his [specific personality, moods, quirks] well. It wears on me and I start getting mad. I have very little patience.
God, please let me get a handle on this. Let my son grow to be the wonderful person he is in spite of me. God, You created this magnificent child for a purpose. Please, help me in not screwing this up!-- Weary Mom
Dear Weary Mom,I relate very much to this struggle.
First, let me relieve you with this- you have not been commanded to LIKE your son. Seriously. You have to love him, yes, but love is not a feeling of approval. Love does not mean that you enjoy his presence all the time. To love him means you do what is best for him—to pour yourself out for him and seek his good.
Yes, I know, that is impossible too, in light of our selfishness and sin.
But what is impossible for us is possible in Christ. God does not just forgive our sins but he gives us his righteousness. That means, we get to use His love, His patience, His wisdom as we serve those around us. This is why we are invited and ordered to abide in Him! He knows that without him we just have selfish sin, but with him we learn (slowly sometimes!) to see as He sees, and borrow everything we need from His hand. It is by His grace alone that we are able to seek the good of others despite our feelings.
You also have the difficult job of sorting out the behavior of your son. What is just a personality quirk? What is sin? What should I address for the sake of those who will interact with him for the rest of his life? Are there things that he simply cannot control? Is he just being stubborn? Is he just different, and that is what is annoying me?
I wish there was an easy way to sort these things out. I encourage you to prayerfully observe your son as you wrestle through these things.And take refuge in the grace of God that covers you and him even in the middle of these growing pains.
--- Emily
God, please help me love my son as you love me.
Help me know what parts of his behaviors are simply HIM and things that I need to put up with—change me where I need changing—and help me know what behaviors are things that need correcting.Teach me to discipline him not just for my sake, but for his, as it is my job to help him grow into a person who can handle his emotions and love and serve others with compassion and self-control.Help me, when I need to 'be the wall' –to give firm and consistent consequences for misbehavior—because this is exhausting, and it is hard to sort out my selfishness from what is right.
Forgive me when I get all this wrong.
Cover both of us in grace. More importantly than all of this, teach me to point him (and myself!) to You each day- that we may both take refuge in your constant love for us.
In Jesus,
Amen.
Do you ever have trouble liking your child?
What other advice do you have for this weary mom?
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